Lessons Learned

1. The Difference B/T Friendship and Sistahood
-Friendship is formed when at least two people decide to share life with one another, whether that be in the form of random conversations, phone calls, text messages, encounters, etc. It's a beautiful thing because one person decides to rely on another person and share life, share truth, and just love on that other person. sweet
-Sistahood is made when these friendships are transformed by a Holy God who ordains tightness, intimacy, and unconditional love. These bonds do not dissolve in the passing of time, growing of distance, or the change of the seasons. These sistahood bonds grow in love; grow in richness; grow in maturity because of the One who has formed and nurtured them.
I've got a lot of sweet friendships. But, I've also come to understand that I've got some sistas in Dallas and in College Station and even beyond that I can't lose depth of love or strength with. Let's get honest: A lot of change is going on right now in my life. I'm not the only one. But, because I recognize change as a constant, I am blessed by people who are willing to come with this change and love me despite myself.
Beauty beyond compare. Intimacy beyond worldly understanding. That's my Creator for ya

2. A Toolbox
-So, A LOT of friends are getting engaged lately. It's kind of awesome. But, with this awesome change going on in life, I am dealing with my own struggles relating to such relational life change.
I am fearful of dating. Did you know that? Always have been and still am. Read a couple notes back and you'll see a total heart cry. lol But! The whole dating fear really stems back to my fear of commitment. My fear of commitment connects to my fear of marriage: that word that symbolizes intimacy, grace, trust, and total dependence on another person. I AM A SELFISH BEING, friends. I love being single. Having my own life to deal with is so awesome and great but as the Lord and I have been walking together for many years now, He's started taking me on a path that involves a lot of mirrors and "operation tables." I've had to look inside myself like never before and come to grips with the fact that I AM SELFISH. I AM LONELY. I AM MORE INDEPENDENTLY DEPENDENT ON SELF THAN EVER BEFORE. but...
-A God of complete and total grace LOVES ME FOR ME. He doesn't let me stay in this condition of hopelessness but instead, releases me from shame and grief and turns me in the direction of Light and Love. So, in light of these realizations, the Lord brought this picture to me...

There's this toolbox, full of tools of all kinds: hammers, wrenches, drills, pliers, grips, nails, sandpaper, screws, bits, etc. I am one of these tools. I have a purpose and I am working on functioning beautifully. I fill a role that no other tool can meet. The carpenter that uses me has a big plan, not necessarily for me but for the whole toolbox. Cool. So, I realize that by myself, I can do this on my own. Without Him, I can't do anything but with Him, I fulfill my role beautifully.
But, then, He brings another tool in to complete another task ALONGSIDE my own. I don't get it but I also see that more of the design is being completed.
Application: There is a Kingdom that can't be shaken. He's bringing His kingdom to earth and it's our role, as the Body of Christ, to help Him bring it. I've got a role in this life to do what He calls me to do. But! Sometime in this life, He may bring a man, with his own role, to join me in completing my role and bring more of the Kingdom here. "Two are better than one..." correct? (Ecclesiastes 4:9)
I'm not saying that marriage happens for everybody. But, I'm also saying, that I get it now...PTL!!!

3. Last Lesson
-I don't live this life for myself. I can say that and mean it and live it now because I get it. I get that He controls my direction. I am staying in college an extra semester b/c a part of my role in this life involves another semester of completing something. It's not just about graduation. It's not just about me wanting to get back to Dallas so I can possibly join a church that I am falling in love with. It's not just about starting on loan repayment....IT'S SO MUCH BIGGER!!! He's got plans. I am involved in these plans, just like you, my brothers and sisters.

READ THIS, IF ANYTHING: He freakin loves us. He wants us to share in His love and mercy and GRACE. This stuff is far richer than the satisfaction you're getting from watching Youtube videos, or reading books about other people's lives, or the relationship that you're in that is getting way too good to be true (whatever that means lol)
Please know...I LOVE AND SERVE AND HAVE COMMITTED MY LIFE TO A GOD OF LOVE, COMPASSION, AND GRACE.
I don't get Him a lot of the time but I have reckless faith, radical obedience, and steadfast trust in His purposes, reasons, and directions.

:selah