Just A Prayer

April 30, 2007

Lord,I'm sorry. I'm sorry that the focus of my life, lately, has been impressing people. I'm sorry that I have not sought to please you through any of the areas of my life. Lord, I heard your cries today. I don't know how but a knife just pierced my heart. Lord, I only have 1 1/2 weeks to make myself vulnerable on this knowingly lost campus. I thank you SO much for my brothers and sisters who press on with me in serving our fellow Ags, but Lord, it's not enough. You want us to have full attention on you. You want us to hear YOUR plans for YOUR people in their fullest form. Lord, like soldiers before battle, we need to be justly equipped and de-briefed about what is to come. Lord, your plans are perfect and even though we like to screw them up so many times, you are always Faithful to carry them out in different ways. Lord, I don't want to impress my friends. I only let them down and they let me down. Lord, you died for a reason. You died for me. I don't cherish my life like I should. Lord, I recognized your love for me and your saving grace eleven years ago and I committed myself to you but I still don't feel that I live out my committment to you. You deserve a grand throng of people with hands lifted up, praising ONLY YOUR NAME, and only Your power. You deserve an entire campus of students, who bow down completely before your throne and chant, "Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty." You deserve your people marching over an entire globe, ready to fight for any lost soul that hasn't decided who they want to spend eternity with. You deserve 100% committment from every single follower. You don't get that, Lord. I know you don't 'cuz I don't see that and I don't feel that within me. Why? Why do we have to be so weak and humane? Why don't we have to fail at so many things? Lord, do you gain glory from our failures? I know it says in your Word that you do, but it's so hard to grasp. When I fail, Lord, I want to cry. Not b/c I failed you. I cry because I've failed people who see me on a daily basis; who help me with projects, when I don't have an ounce of energy or projection to give; who encourage me when I can't encourage them 'cuz I'm too selfish; who don't do anything but listen when I've failed 3 tests and have to drop a class; who compliment me for planning a coffeehouse yet are disappointed when I soak all the glory up that my heart desires...Lord, you deserve the compliments, the praise, the glory that should drip from your very Name. Lord, I don't want RUTH ANN COOPER to be on a pedestal above Your's. Lord, your Name should make men and women fall to their knees in reverence. Your Name should immediately send us out on a campaign to free souls in bondage of sin. I want to use my sword! I want to battle demons and win! Lord, with 1 1/2 weeks left of school, I believe that you can change this campus. I believe that you can rally us up as a body, not an organization, that will equip, challenge, and grant victory. I pray that you would dissolve all boundaries between organizations. I pray that you would make all names of organizations disappear. Lord, I want to serve the people on this campus with only your Name coming from my mouth. Is this possible? I know that through you all things are possible, but am I too much of a hindrance to myself? Strike me down if I should go before you. Lord, go before me! Use me! Teach me how to live humbly and without glory. I love you, Lord, and I don't care if this note offends. I don't care if people read this. I just wanted to write something public and without barriers. Your Name be Praised at Texas A&M