Blog of Dreams

I don't know if anyone reads this and I honestly don't care. I just love writing, thinking about the Lord clicking on the Blog part of my mind each day and reading what I want to tell Him. Yes, He already knows but He enjoys my act of wanting to talk back.

So, Lord, I want to share what I believe You've put on my heart, in regards to the constant stream of wild dreams that run rampant in my heart. You have taken so many away and it hurt. But, the dreams you replace them with are so much sweeter and I praise You for Your knowing Hands.

Dream One: the Coffeehouse. It's never dissolved or faded. It's increased in wildness, grown in size, and been shared with many. You, through many of my wonderful friends of all kinds, have shared their support, their anticipation, their desire to help. I believe this is You, All-Knowing God, urging me to continue. To keep putting one foot in front of the other as I think about the business...the community...the idea.

Dream Two: Counseling/serving/ministering to movie stars. The world says I can't. The world says that Hollywood is too far gone. The Kirk Camerons don't exist anymore and the ones who have tried just fail and die away. God, you are BIGGER! You love Angelina and Jennifer and Sandra just as much as You love me! We all laugh at their abuses, divorces, and deaths but when our friends go through things like this, we cry and run to our hurting friends. What's the difference?!!! God, You've been building on this dream as I've researched centers and facilities. You've added to the burden on my heart DAILY as I read about Sandra's problems and Lady Gaga's brokenness. I don't need a counseling practice. I really have a passion to take a couch, put it on a street corner, and ask for You to move the Brads and the Roberts and the Jennifers to sit on my couch and cry out. How can I go?

Dream Three: Serve the nations. I want to be a missionary, Lord. You called me to this long ago. But, I KNOW that I am not called to go with an agency or org. that labels me "MISSIONARY" upon first steps on walking into a different nation. I want to go as a businesswoman, traveler, counselor, etc. I want to go and set up camp somewhere, intending to just LOVE ON PEOPLE. That is my intention, agenda, and desire. I don't go to convert and leave. This is how some feel led to do it and I praise You for their calling but I know that I want to share You with people long-term in cities beyond my understanding. I want to set up a business, hire a bunch of crazies, learn how to love them, and just let You do Your work. Community...

Dream Four: Great American Road Trip. Research routes. Buy an SUV that loves the road and loves me. Get a dog that would love to sit in the back with the cooler, camera, and art supplies and just go. Go meet people. Go hear the stories of brokenness, life, and beauty. Go share with people what You've done in my life and maybe see an impact made. Visit coffeehouse after coffeehouse and just talk to the owners, the regulars, etc. and continue to work on my coffeehouse dream, too.

Dream Five: Be a woman of faith who is grounded and rooted in love. Be a traveler who gets to live in Boston, Italy, Australia, England, E. Europe, Nashville, Los Angeles, Seattle, etc. and then one day, continue the adventure with a husband and kids whether we continue to travel or settle down somewhere getting to travel with intentionality and teach our kids that way. Not just doing vacations but going places for a longer period of time and learning about You in a culture.

Dream Six: Never stop craving adventure. Wherever I am, just getting to make whatever adventure I can.

I am a Dreamer. A Holy, Wild, Adventurous Dreamer who longs to chase her Jesus around the world. I picture this globe sitting in front of me and there's little colored tabs that pop up where I am to go. I only see one now but in a couple of weeks, I'll see a new tab pop up and I know that's where I'm to go next. Then, after a while, a new tab pops up and that'll be my green light to move on. Then, more and more pop up until more people are looking with me for new tabs. New directions. New adventures. It's not just about I'm where I'm to go. It's about why. It's about who I'll meet. It's about who I'll go and be and live with. It's about You: the One who has this BIG DREAM of bringing Your Kingdom to Earth. It's about Your Dream of seeing Your kids piecing together Your Dream with their individual Dreams. It's about Your passion for Your people to unite and accomplish adventure together in sweet community, Holy matrimony, and beautiful unity.

What dreams, o God. What dreams such as these.

What words, o God. What words such as intention, beauty, community, and craziness.

What desires, o God. What desires such as these can from a Dreamer like me?

They don't. They come from You and I give You the glory for what You will do.

These are not mine. They can be given. They can be taken away. May I set my heart on You, so that when they are taken, I will not mourn but rejoice when I see You doing something new.

[Heart giggles. Muscles tense. Eyes dance at the thoughts...]

Wedding Day

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about "The Day." Not necessarily about the guy, oddly.
I've just been thinking about the "ideal of it all" and such. Asking myself questions about location, attire, who will be around, etc.
It's quite funny, really.

I want to be outdoors, submitting to a new adventure in the very setting that I feel most free...wherever that is.
I want to be barefooted, as hippie as that sounds, because I know that the one I'm walking down the aisle toward will love me so much more for my barefootedness.
I want to walk down to "There She Goes," simply because it's been a theme song for me in my season of singleness.

You see, I completely disagree with those brides who make the "Big Day" all about them. Weddings involve the beauty and adorning of the bride, yes, but has anyone ever thought to consider the parents of the bride: How they're about to surrender their daughter to a worthy man. Has anyone ever thought about the parents of the groom: in their complete revelation that the woman walking down the aisle is the woman they've prepared him for forever? Has anyone thought about the groom: the one who will no longer care for just himself but will now take on the responsibility and the adventure of another?

Two adventures converging into one great and glorious new life.

My dream wedding involves the very hellish undergrounds quaking at the sight of such a power couple forging to quell the powers of darkness in the name of Jesus, by simply uniting in marriage.
My dream wedding involves the heavenly cries of angels as the power couple unites to further the Kingdom of Heaven more and more in whatever capacities and directions they've been called.
My dream wedding involves the claps and the shouts and the heart giggles of people who can look upon the new couple in pure respect and honor.
My dream wedding involves the happy sigh of the Father, as He joyfully exclaims "It is well."

I know not who my husband is. I know not of what he'll be like or what he'll be doing in life. My one prayer is that He KNOW that life is an adventure worth exploring, dreaming, and struggling through. Our God is bigger than the failures, the lost times, the pain, and the grief. He knows more about the rewards of Love, the benefits of obedience, and the strength of a Unified pair. I pray that my husband would not see God as an asset but as his One lifeline; that he would wake up and talk to the Lord; that He would talk to the Lord then go to bed; that he would never stop the Conversation during the day. I sometimes feel like I'm the only one who talks to the Lord every hour of the day. I'm odd, I claim, but how can I hide from Him? How can I be silent when I NEED to talk to Him and no one else?

...What a crazy and furious dream...

Nashville Diaries #5

Home
A place of origin
A people who accept you as grungy, beautiful, or anything in between
A haven when you've been on the road for 10 hours and you need a place of stability

[sigh]

The adventure in Nashville has ended
The car's free of its weight
The bags are unpacked
The washer's full

But the Adventure is far from over
It's just continuing
In a new setting
With new tones
And a new purpose

I'm thankful for what You did
I'm thankful for what You did that I didn't see
I'm thankful for what You will do with what You did in me

Don't let me stop driving with my windows down
Don't let me stop being fearless when I get lost in life
Don't let me stop taking risks just because I'm scared

Guide me in the way You would have me go, Lord

Nashville Diaries #4

Woke up...early...to go to Pancake Pantry.
Arrived at 7:15ish. Was immediately seated and waited on. Upon first impression, I noticed students, an Army unit, various professors, etc. just chatting at their respective tables. Honestly, I wondered why they were meeting and what could possibly bring them out of their beds at such an early hour. Alas, I am a college student and even though I do have to wake up quite early on Tuesdays and Thursdays on a normal schedule, I have taken sunrises and early morning breakfasts for granted this spring break week. I started soaking "it" all in: the joy of seeing people interact, the chill atmosphere that allowed them such experiences as they ate their pancakes and talked in a rather cyclical fashion...Loved the Pancake Pantry

Then, traveled down Broadway to visit J&J's Market and Cafe. Sam, the owner, was a delight and we immediately entered into a conversation about James Avery rings and Dallas, TX. Greatly enjoyed my mocha with irish cream. Took a couple shots of the layout of the coffeeshop and was pleased with the space usage and the overall randomness of the look of the place. Sam and I won't forget each other. At least, that's what we told each other. haha

We, then, went on one of "Tommy's Tours." Yes, I surrendered to the tourist magnet and folded. I was blessed, though! Didn't have to waste gas. Just got on a bus with my sistas and traveled around the city with other people who wanted to know some of the "inside scoop" of the Music City. We toured movie stars' homes, the historic venues, the popular attractions, etc. I admit, we had already meandered down the downtown parts on our own but hearing a local lead us down the streets he "played on as a child" and hearing about the "alley that Carrie Underwood used for her 'Before He Cheats' video" was quite fascinating...it was simply fun:)

Went to the hotel for a couple hours, then traveled to the Bluebird Cafe. Oh, seriously. It was wonderful. We were in the standing room only group but who cares?!! We got to hear 4 amazing up-and-coming female artists who each had a flare and a flavor in their respective avenues of country music. We bought Bluebird paraphernalia and traveled on down to the McDonald's. But before we decided to head to the hotel, I got to stop off at Cafe Coco's for a quick peak at the haps and the look. Oh, goodness...I LOVED IT! The facility itself was just an old house, filled with tables/couches/ bar stools/and an overall bohemian feel. The patrons all ranged from college students, grunge folk, band members, and homeless...freakin almost made me cry. Not gonna lie. We just don't have that where I'm from, ya know? We have an amazing coffeehouse culture in CS but I'm overwhelmed by the ability of being able to establish a coffeehouse that attracts ALL kinds of people and not just the coffee drinkers or college students. Versatility. Diversity. Community...:)

Today was one of those days where we didn't try to cram stuff in just to say "we went there..." We wanted to spent time in places that allowed us to reflect, explore, and continue the adventure that's come about this week. It's been full of heart giggles, long moments of laughter, getting lost A LOT, beautiful stories from beautiful people, food that just fed the desire to explore more, "proof of life" conversations, etc. I got a quote album on my phone, some souvenirs that'll probably disappear by next week, photos that I pray will last beyond a lifetime, and a heart full of impressions and stories that will last as long as I can remember them.

"To live would be an awfully great adventure" Yep, Peter Pan. I quite agree with you. I must add, though, that I have lived and have been a part of a great adventure. The cool part is...it's not ending! Even though I'm going back home and going back to school soon, the adventure continues. The need to listen continues. The need to travel and learn more continues.

Glorious life. Thank you for such a creation, Father...

Nashville Diaries #3 Part Two

March 17, 2010 Entry: Part Two

Prema is the director/visioneer/pioneer for NFI. She is the queen of the castle and works hard for her students. Again, to recap, Nashville Film Institute is an institute for interested people (usually 18-25) with dreams of entering the Hollywood scene, as future directors, actors, cinematographers, etc. 9 month program. Intense hands-on curriculum for all students. Wonderful rewards. Check out thenfi.com for more info!!!

Back to Prema...wonderful woman with great vision and sincere passion for providing a refuge for students who have what it takes to explore and learn and apply all that they learn. Once they're done with the program, Prema hooks them up in any way she can. She has a passion for forging relationships for people who need to make the "right connections" and she's good at it!:)

So, we spent 2+ hours with her: learning, talking, encouraging, being encouraged, etc. Wonderful usage of time and thought, as we explored another aspect of such an amazing culture in Nashville.

We, then, traveled downstairs to the Big Idea! Productions. If you didn't know this, they are the creators and designers of Veggie Tales!!! I never watched V.T. as a kid but I grew up with it all around me so it was a definite blessing to get to talk with a designer there and just hear his perspective about the company and its impact. Great guy...Ron.

The rest of the day, we traveled to downtown Nashville to explore and allow our budgets to widen a bit at the sight of some cool art pieces in Earthbound and Hatch Show Store.

Today was just one of those days where I closed my eyes, breathed in-breathed out, and just happily sighed out of the sheer need to do something to express my overwhelmed feelings. The Lord understood my sigh and I felt a great peace wash over me.

I don't know what the future holds but I honestly could care less. I get excited about the "tomorrows" and the "somedays" but honestly, the Lord is leading this dance and I'm down with the direction. I pray that I am, anyway:)

Nashville Diaries #3 Part One

I am overwhelmed with such need to praise my Holy and Providing God...it's just ridiculous as to how specifically He blesses us. I had no real desire today for anything specific.

We decided to travel to Franklin today, to hang out at the Factory and check out Downtown. We shopped and found some cutesy things. We photographed one another in a big rocking chair that perfectly displayed our small frames and funny ideas about self.

We then traveled to Bldg. 2 to simply explore. We went up to Floor 2 and 2 1/2 hours later, went back down with heart giggles and a new appreciation for the hidden gems of Tennessee

The Nashville Film Institute. A haven for the up-and-coming engineers of beautiful filmmaking. A field of hands-on development made of gifts and dreams. A castle of one queen, her counsel, and the princes and princesses of the court.

These people are beautiful. Not necessarily in the sense that they're Abercrombie models with beach blonde hair and pretty faces. No, these people emanated beauty with their stories of how they got there and where they're going, etc. They took time out of life to share life with us. I'm blessed.

We left NFI with promotional tools, t-shirts, accesses of communication, and some heavy impressions that still weigh.

I want to help; to get involved; to push through the practicality and blend dreams with reality. I don't know why the Lord brought us to NFI today but the fact is...He did. Now, we look forward. Trusting Him and leaning on Him to continue the adventure

Wherever it leads

(more about Prema, Big Idea!, Demo's, and Parks at Earthbound tomorrow:)

Nashville Diaries #2

Reflecting on the day while listening to the whir of a fan as my two traveling sistas sleep in the bed next to mine.

Located in Nashville.

Haven't seen much of this unknown city yet. Drove down Broadway for a bit but was crazed with frustration as we faced the problem of Nashville Predator parking. We decided upon further exploration that tonight would be a night of pizza delivery and Office episodes.

Beautiful freedom in spontaneity.

I don't know what to make of this city yet. I refuse to compare it to what I know. Instead, I choose to wait in the forming of my opinions when I've acquainted myself with more of this culture and style of life.

Tomorrow, we hit up more places. Await more stories. Ready ourselves for more face-to-face interaction with the "Music City."

Blank slate.

Nasvhille Diaries #1

Laying on my rollaway bed in a room in the beautiful Peabody Hotel. It currently houses duffel bags, peaceful times, and a period of reflection from the day spent in good 'ol Memphis.

Staring at my "Got Blues" shot glass and Elvis-imprinted guitar picks.
Thinking about Smokey, the amazing storyteller at the Memphis Music Store, who graciously shared a piece of his adventure...for many years, he fought a battle for musical freedom and independence in the realm of soul and blues. Walking with John Lennon before he knew anything of "rock 'n roll" to pounding pavement with guitar and harmonica in hand in San Francisco in the 60s, this dude defined "traveler." Oh, Smokey, What's left to be done in your story?

Today, we traversed down Beale Street looking for food, special items to help us remember the night we spent getting to know Memphis, TN, and people to talk with who had life to share.

We ate at Blues City Cafe. Bought guitar picks, shot glasses, mugs, and a harmonica from stores that breathed tourist knock-offs and alcoholic stenches. Beautiful stuff

Now, we rest. We ready for the next day, in which we'll explore the life of "the King" and travel down I-40 to our Olympus...*cough*...sweet Nashville:)

If you read this, pray for us: that we remain constantly in the Spirit as we drive, talk, serve, buy, eat, sleep, etc.

We don't do this for our own enjoyment. We travel with the constant knowledge that our Father has gone before us, preparing the way for us to extend love to people and to be poured into.

*Heart giggles*

Night Before A New Adventure

Chill time in my bro's room + Dark red nail polish + a semi-packed bag + road trip tunes + story time with the family...
this is the night before a new adventure.

This adventure will shake me, chisel me, awaken me, and purify me all in one road trip. I'm traveling with beautiful sisters (wish the Kiwi was there, too:) who I love and trust dearly. Nashville is a place I've heard about, dreamed about, and read about in the past year and what awaits...I can only imagine.

My God is once again going to move beyond any of my simple expectations and overflow my cup with intense and specific proof of His Love.

I don't have to dream about being a traveler or an adventurer.
I choose to be one. I choose to let the Lord continue my destiny of being such a named crusader.

The overwhelming joy inside me needs to be unleashed and over the next five days, I pray that my love for the Lord will greatly increase will greatly increase because of my growing closeness and understanding of His Mystery.

With my camera in tow and what little money I can spend freely there in special envelopes marked with specific days to be used, I will begin this road trip at 6 am tomorrow.
The car will start. The wheels will roll. The driving rotation will begin.
All in the name of dreams, adventure, and a love far beyond my understanding.

...I'm chasing my Jesus to Nashville...

Too Much, Too Many

Too much nice with too little love
Too much time with too little intentionality
Too much distance with too little contact
Too much expression with too little reflection

Too many dreams with too few actions
Too many laughs with too few tears
Too many conflicts with too few resolutions
Too many broken with too few counselors
_____________________________________________________

Over the past couple of years, the Lord has placed an indescribable passion on my heart for Hollywood. To be more specific...the movie stars.
As people laugh at the tabloids and hear about the deaths, divorces, and destruction of relationships....I pray. I cry. I reflect on "what could be..."
Most know that I have a passion for ministry. Most also know that I have a passion for business. Most don't know that I hope and pray for FUSION in my life of the two. Counseling is an option.
_____________________________________________________

To listen to the cries of the stars who need to talk
To hold the hands of the scarred and broken people who
Daily sacrifice their bodies, their thoughts, and their emotions
All for the sake of "the job"

Gaga to Brangelina
Sandy to Meryl
Miley to Taylor

Why do we laugh at their cries for help?
Why do we condone their "Daycare Centers" when they wear the Rehab Center facade?
Why do we say "there goes another one" when someone has passed due to drug overdose?

If I am the only one to go there one day and minister to these people
Then, that's how it's gonna be
But, please! Join me in praying for them, at least

I long to be a listener, a comforter, a counselor
I don't desire to condemn or point out their faults
They have enough of that from their agents, families, and audiences

More than anything, I want to serve them with time to rest: in an office, a park, a room in the back of a counseling center that actually wants to help...

Too Much Nice

Early Bird Catches the...Sausage Biscuit???

7 AM
...Got here at 6:30...

After driving half of a mile to the nearest McD's, I awakened to the smell of coffee, pancakes, and sausage. For the past couple of weeks, I have come to this establishment to spend time with the Lord, observe the city awaken around me, and reflect on life. I also needed something to awaken me for my 8 AM so what better way to do it than a $1 sausage biscuit?!:)

The first visit here, I was taken aback by the great cloud of witnesses that surrounded me at 6:30 AM. Older men in their 70s reading the Word in corners; women in their 70s and 80s talking about the warrior princess life in the "Tiger Den;" a college girl like me, journaling and reading in the Word in the corner...

I can't tell you how encouraging it is to wake up every Tuesday, Thursday and be surrounded by brothers and sisters who need to do the exact same thing every day...give their days up to the Lord and just spend time with Him. None of us have truly interacted yet, I'm sad to say. But, I know that the guy who sits at the high bar table and reads his Bible from 6-7 is named Charlie. I know that a guy walks in at around 6:40 every Tuesday and knows all the people's names behind the counter and their back-stories.

It's amazing. To share the grunge, the beauty, the start of a daily life with someone each day, even if we never interact...is AWESOME!!!

Goal of the week...ask Charlie THE QUESTION aka "What's your story?" :)

Love Out Loud

Just A Thought...

I run to my car to grab my iPod
They run for their lives

I buy overly-priced coffee three days a week
They buy shoes to sell for three days' food

I talk about Jesus over lunch
They talk about Jesus in their jail cells

I laugh about inside jokes with friends
They laugh when their handcuffs are removed

I sing because I can
They sing because it's all they can do not to scream

I hold back love when I'm scared or judgmental
They love anyone because it's their only weapon for surviving

I wear scarves to express my personality
They wear scarves to keep from freezing

~I'm not trying to nag or harp on or wave a flame-bearing fist at "THE MAN"

but seriously,

what are we not doing???

what are we not dwelling on for more than moments at a time???

I live by the Bible aka God's love in paper form.

But, can I honestly claim such a thing when I am definitely overlooking James 1:27
"...to visit orphans and widows in their affliction"

How can I not, AT LEAST, say something?