Fed up with guilt pressing upon the crevices of my heart and mind as I fight for freedom from collective numbers and academic constraints.
Fed up with duty. Life wasn't made to be a series of actions and consequences.
Fed up with routines. Forget the mindless stepping stones of progress and business. Embrace the real stuff: the pain, the sorrow, the relief, the joy that can't be described in a piece of paper that says "Graduated."
Fed up with longings that aren't fulfilled. I trust the Plan that's bigger.
Fed up with shame that beats the heart into submission. Weight on the heart becomes exhausting. Let it be.
Fed up with "lack of." Ready to see an abundant and active force in every crevice, crack, and prison in this town.
Fed up with service. Need intimacy that squeezes the lists out of me.
Fed up with "do." Ready for "know."
Let's stop the acts. Let's start the relationships.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
I Will
I will walk in the land of the living
Where dry bones walk again
And dead men shout victory
I will cry out the name of a Savior
As I run through the streets
In total abandon and freedom
I will ride the subways with smelly, old hobos
Who will dance in the light
Of something much bigger than themselves
I will sing Hallelujah in the middle of wars
Because the end of Victory is literally
A stone's throw away in time
I will paint beyond emotion and stirring
And instead, stroke the canvas with
Natural,vibrant, crazy love for Someone outside myself
I will no longer desire adventure
Because my heart will have been
Satisfied
I will fully understand the weight
Of what the God-Man did for me
One joining of wood blocks.
A couple of nails.
A body ready to be slaughtered.
All resulted in the perfect display of the
"I Will"
Hands clenched. Body tight.
Moans heard. Loss felt.
Victory wasn't around.
But, I know different.
The difference was 3 days.
3 days for the God-man to
Wake up from his slumber
And claim victory
Over the Enemy's dance
3 days to carry out
The Greatest Adventure
And triumph
Over the Enemy's dreams
3 days for the Underground
To be revived in not just
The blood of a Lamb but
The resurrection of a Savior
Oh, boy
Look what's coming now
A great celebration
In the Heavens
The epitome of light shows
That embrace the very voice
Of the painting of "A Starry Night"
A great victory
In this world
That will last shake the Rockys and the Maximus'cores
For eternity
I will wait for this day
When freedom won't be a cause
But an effect for all who
Trusted and fought in the
Name of the Lamb
I Will
Where dry bones walk again
And dead men shout victory
I will cry out the name of a Savior
As I run through the streets
In total abandon and freedom
I will ride the subways with smelly, old hobos
Who will dance in the light
Of something much bigger than themselves
I will sing Hallelujah in the middle of wars
Because the end of Victory is literally
A stone's throw away in time
I will paint beyond emotion and stirring
And instead, stroke the canvas with
Natural,vibrant, crazy love for Someone outside myself
I will no longer desire adventure
Because my heart will have been
Satisfied
I will fully understand the weight
Of what the God-Man did for me
One joining of wood blocks.
A couple of nails.
A body ready to be slaughtered.
All resulted in the perfect display of the
"I Will"
Hands clenched. Body tight.
Moans heard. Loss felt.
Victory wasn't around.
But, I know different.
The difference was 3 days.
3 days for the God-man to
Wake up from his slumber
And claim victory
Over the Enemy's dance
3 days to carry out
The Greatest Adventure
And triumph
Over the Enemy's dreams
3 days for the Underground
To be revived in not just
The blood of a Lamb but
The resurrection of a Savior
Oh, boy
Look what's coming now
A great celebration
In the Heavens
The epitome of light shows
That embrace the very voice
Of the painting of "A Starry Night"
A great victory
In this world
That will last shake the Rockys and the Maximus'cores
For eternity
I will wait for this day
When freedom won't be a cause
But an effect for all who
Trusted and fought in the
Name of the Lamb
I Will
Monday, August 23, 2010
Jumbled Thoughts About EVEN GREATER THINGS
Red fingers typing away upon oily but familiar keys
They're desperate tonight
To type
To describe
To reveal
Pierced ears listening to the sounds of Chris August
New music
New heart beating to the drum of my own
Wondering
What will come
As Spartacus the old Honda Accord I call my own now
Roars down the highway
Bags packed and boxes crammed
No doubt rolling around with the
Globe I'll be bringing with me
To remind me of what I long to chase after
No, not the world itself
But, the adventure
The Big, Grand, Expensive Adventure
That calls my heart out
Of its restlessness and boredom
Oh, the fingers type desperately now
As they giggle with the heart
That dances to the name Jesus as
It's sung by the "new guy"
Jesus. The Author of such an Adventure
"The Not Yet"
Oh, geesh
One last semester.
Of nervous freshmen trampling each other
As they rush to class,
Soon realizing it's not worth anything
If you miss a couple for the sake of selah time
One last semester.
Of fifth-year seniors breathing in the smells
Of familiarity.
Legacy.
Victory.
Realizing that it's not over yet.
Wondering what will come after the "Great Walk of Victory" across the
carpeted stage.
I will not worry.
I will not fret about tomorrow.
For tomorrow is a day that's been created already.
With or without me involved.
"The Not Yet"
The future.
The rest of the story.
The eternal scope that far outweighs the stupidity of the day.
I guffaw at the thought of such concern tomorrow.
Until, I think about the concerns of today
And how I wasted
Beautiful minutes because I didn't have money
To buy food
When I had Mom's meat loaf in the fridge
The banner lined with "Even Greater Things"
Keeps rising up in my thoughts.
It resonates victory, newness, and resolution inside my spirit.
It longs to see the revelation of such a thing.
This semester pieced with "Even Greater Things" just fits
For some reason.
Holy Spirit revelation?
Maybe.
Radical obedience desired?
Definitely.
They're desperate tonight
To type
To describe
To reveal
Pierced ears listening to the sounds of Chris August
New music
New heart beating to the drum of my own
Wondering
What will come
As Spartacus the old Honda Accord I call my own now
Roars down the highway
Bags packed and boxes crammed
No doubt rolling around with the
Globe I'll be bringing with me
To remind me of what I long to chase after
No, not the world itself
But, the adventure
The Big, Grand, Expensive Adventure
That calls my heart out
Of its restlessness and boredom
Oh, the fingers type desperately now
As they giggle with the heart
That dances to the name Jesus as
It's sung by the "new guy"
Jesus. The Author of such an Adventure
"The Not Yet"
Oh, geesh
One last semester.
Of nervous freshmen trampling each other
As they rush to class,
Soon realizing it's not worth anything
If you miss a couple for the sake of selah time
One last semester.
Of fifth-year seniors breathing in the smells
Of familiarity.
Legacy.
Victory.
Realizing that it's not over yet.
Wondering what will come after the "Great Walk of Victory" across the
carpeted stage.
I will not worry.
I will not fret about tomorrow.
For tomorrow is a day that's been created already.
With or without me involved.
"The Not Yet"
The future.
The rest of the story.
The eternal scope that far outweighs the stupidity of the day.
I guffaw at the thought of such concern tomorrow.
Until, I think about the concerns of today
And how I wasted
Beautiful minutes because I didn't have money
To buy food
When I had Mom's meat loaf in the fridge
The banner lined with "Even Greater Things"
Keeps rising up in my thoughts.
It resonates victory, newness, and resolution inside my spirit.
It longs to see the revelation of such a thing.
This semester pieced with "Even Greater Things" just fits
For some reason.
Holy Spirit revelation?
Maybe.
Radical obedience desired?
Definitely.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Blog of Dreams
I don't know if anyone reads this and I honestly don't care. I just love writing, thinking about the Lord clicking on the Blog part of my mind each day and reading what I want to tell Him. Yes, He already knows but He enjoys my act of wanting to talk back.
So, Lord, I want to share what I believe You've put on my heart, in regards to the constant stream of wild dreams that run rampant in my heart. You have taken so many away and it hurt. But, the dreams you replace them with are so much sweeter and I praise You for Your knowing Hands.
Dream One: the Coffeehouse. It's never dissolved or faded. It's increased in wildness, grown in size, and been shared with many. You, through many of my wonderful friends of all kinds, have shared their support, their anticipation, their desire to help. I believe this is You, All-Knowing God, urging me to continue. To keep putting one foot in front of the other as I think about the business...the community...the idea.
Dream Two: Counseling/serving/ministering to movie stars. The world says I can't. The world says that Hollywood is too far gone. The Kirk Camerons don't exist anymore and the ones who have tried just fail and die away. God, you are BIGGER! You love Angelina and Jennifer and Sandra just as much as You love me! We all laugh at their abuses, divorces, and deaths but when our friends go through things like this, we cry and run to our hurting friends. What's the difference?!!! God, You've been building on this dream as I've researched centers and facilities. You've added to the burden on my heart DAILY as I read about Sandra's problems and Lady Gaga's brokenness. I don't need a counseling practice. I really have a passion to take a couch, put it on a street corner, and ask for You to move the Brads and the Roberts and the Jennifers to sit on my couch and cry out. How can I go?
Dream Three: Serve the nations. I want to be a missionary, Lord. You called me to this long ago. But, I KNOW that I am not called to go with an agency or org. that labels me "MISSIONARY" upon first steps on walking into a different nation. I want to go as a businesswoman, traveler, counselor, etc. I want to go and set up camp somewhere, intending to just LOVE ON PEOPLE. That is my intention, agenda, and desire. I don't go to convert and leave. This is how some feel led to do it and I praise You for their calling but I know that I want to share You with people long-term in cities beyond my understanding. I want to set up a business, hire a bunch of crazies, learn how to love them, and just let You do Your work. Community...
Dream Four: Great American Road Trip. Research routes. Buy an SUV that loves the road and loves me. Get a dog that would love to sit in the back with the cooler, camera, and art supplies and just go. Go meet people. Go hear the stories of brokenness, life, and beauty. Go share with people what You've done in my life and maybe see an impact made. Visit coffeehouse after coffeehouse and just talk to the owners, the regulars, etc. and continue to work on my coffeehouse dream, too.
Dream Five: Be a woman of faith who is grounded and rooted in love. Be a traveler who gets to live in Boston, Italy, Australia, England, E. Europe, Nashville, Los Angeles, Seattle, etc. and then one day, continue the adventure with a husband and kids whether we continue to travel or settle down somewhere getting to travel with intentionality and teach our kids that way. Not just doing vacations but going places for a longer period of time and learning about You in a culture.
Dream Six: Never stop craving adventure. Wherever I am, just getting to make whatever adventure I can.
I am a Dreamer. A Holy, Wild, Adventurous Dreamer who longs to chase her Jesus around the world. I picture this globe sitting in front of me and there's little colored tabs that pop up where I am to go. I only see one now but in a couple of weeks, I'll see a new tab pop up and I know that's where I'm to go next. Then, after a while, a new tab pops up and that'll be my green light to move on. Then, more and more pop up until more people are looking with me for new tabs. New directions. New adventures. It's not just about I'm where I'm to go. It's about why. It's about who I'll meet. It's about who I'll go and be and live with. It's about You: the One who has this BIG DREAM of bringing Your Kingdom to Earth. It's about Your Dream of seeing Your kids piecing together Your Dream with their individual Dreams. It's about Your passion for Your people to unite and accomplish adventure together in sweet community, Holy matrimony, and beautiful unity.
What dreams, o God. What dreams such as these.
What words, o God. What words such as intention, beauty, community, and craziness.
What desires, o God. What desires such as these can from a Dreamer like me?
They don't. They come from You and I give You the glory for what You will do.
These are not mine. They can be given. They can be taken away. May I set my heart on You, so that when they are taken, I will not mourn but rejoice when I see You doing something new.
[Heart giggles. Muscles tense. Eyes dance at the thoughts...]
So, Lord, I want to share what I believe You've put on my heart, in regards to the constant stream of wild dreams that run rampant in my heart. You have taken so many away and it hurt. But, the dreams you replace them with are so much sweeter and I praise You for Your knowing Hands.
Dream One: the Coffeehouse. It's never dissolved or faded. It's increased in wildness, grown in size, and been shared with many. You, through many of my wonderful friends of all kinds, have shared their support, their anticipation, their desire to help. I believe this is You, All-Knowing God, urging me to continue. To keep putting one foot in front of the other as I think about the business...the community...the idea.
Dream Two: Counseling/serving/ministering to movie stars. The world says I can't. The world says that Hollywood is too far gone. The Kirk Camerons don't exist anymore and the ones who have tried just fail and die away. God, you are BIGGER! You love Angelina and Jennifer and Sandra just as much as You love me! We all laugh at their abuses, divorces, and deaths but when our friends go through things like this, we cry and run to our hurting friends. What's the difference?!!! God, You've been building on this dream as I've researched centers and facilities. You've added to the burden on my heart DAILY as I read about Sandra's problems and Lady Gaga's brokenness. I don't need a counseling practice. I really have a passion to take a couch, put it on a street corner, and ask for You to move the Brads and the Roberts and the Jennifers to sit on my couch and cry out. How can I go?
Dream Three: Serve the nations. I want to be a missionary, Lord. You called me to this long ago. But, I KNOW that I am not called to go with an agency or org. that labels me "MISSIONARY" upon first steps on walking into a different nation. I want to go as a businesswoman, traveler, counselor, etc. I want to go and set up camp somewhere, intending to just LOVE ON PEOPLE. That is my intention, agenda, and desire. I don't go to convert and leave. This is how some feel led to do it and I praise You for their calling but I know that I want to share You with people long-term in cities beyond my understanding. I want to set up a business, hire a bunch of crazies, learn how to love them, and just let You do Your work. Community...
Dream Four: Great American Road Trip. Research routes. Buy an SUV that loves the road and loves me. Get a dog that would love to sit in the back with the cooler, camera, and art supplies and just go. Go meet people. Go hear the stories of brokenness, life, and beauty. Go share with people what You've done in my life and maybe see an impact made. Visit coffeehouse after coffeehouse and just talk to the owners, the regulars, etc. and continue to work on my coffeehouse dream, too.
Dream Five: Be a woman of faith who is grounded and rooted in love. Be a traveler who gets to live in Boston, Italy, Australia, England, E. Europe, Nashville, Los Angeles, Seattle, etc. and then one day, continue the adventure with a husband and kids whether we continue to travel or settle down somewhere getting to travel with intentionality and teach our kids that way. Not just doing vacations but going places for a longer period of time and learning about You in a culture.
Dream Six: Never stop craving adventure. Wherever I am, just getting to make whatever adventure I can.
I am a Dreamer. A Holy, Wild, Adventurous Dreamer who longs to chase her Jesus around the world. I picture this globe sitting in front of me and there's little colored tabs that pop up where I am to go. I only see one now but in a couple of weeks, I'll see a new tab pop up and I know that's where I'm to go next. Then, after a while, a new tab pops up and that'll be my green light to move on. Then, more and more pop up until more people are looking with me for new tabs. New directions. New adventures. It's not just about I'm where I'm to go. It's about why. It's about who I'll meet. It's about who I'll go and be and live with. It's about You: the One who has this BIG DREAM of bringing Your Kingdom to Earth. It's about Your Dream of seeing Your kids piecing together Your Dream with their individual Dreams. It's about Your passion for Your people to unite and accomplish adventure together in sweet community, Holy matrimony, and beautiful unity.
What dreams, o God. What dreams such as these.
What words, o God. What words such as intention, beauty, community, and craziness.
What desires, o God. What desires such as these can from a Dreamer like me?
They don't. They come from You and I give You the glory for what You will do.
These are not mine. They can be given. They can be taken away. May I set my heart on You, so that when they are taken, I will not mourn but rejoice when I see You doing something new.
[Heart giggles. Muscles tense. Eyes dance at the thoughts...]
Monday, March 22, 2010
Wedding Day
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about "The Day." Not necessarily about the guy, oddly.
I've just been thinking about the "ideal of it all" and such. Asking myself questions about location, attire, who will be around, etc.
It's quite funny, really.
I want to be outdoors, submitting to a new adventure in the very setting that I feel most free...wherever that is.
I want to be barefooted, as hippie as that sounds, because I know that the one I'm walking down the aisle toward will love me so much more for my barefootedness.
I want to walk down to "There She Goes," simply because it's been a theme song for me in my season of singleness.
You see, I completely disagree with those brides who make the "Big Day" all about them. Weddings involve the beauty and adorning of the bride, yes, but has anyone ever thought to consider the parents of the bride: How they're about to surrender their daughter to a worthy man. Has anyone ever thought about the parents of the groom: in their complete revelation that the woman walking down the aisle is the woman they've prepared him for forever? Has anyone thought about the groom: the one who will no longer care for just himself but will now take on the responsibility and the adventure of another?
Two adventures converging into one great and glorious new life.
My dream wedding involves the very hellish undergrounds quaking at the sight of such a power couple forging to quell the powers of darkness in the name of Jesus, by simply uniting in marriage.
My dream wedding involves the heavenly cries of angels as the power couple unites to further the Kingdom of Heaven more and more in whatever capacities and directions they've been called.
My dream wedding involves the claps and the shouts and the heart giggles of people who can look upon the new couple in pure respect and honor.
My dream wedding involves the happy sigh of the Father, as He joyfully exclaims "It is well."
I know not who my husband is. I know not of what he'll be like or what he'll be doing in life. My one prayer is that He KNOW that life is an adventure worth exploring, dreaming, and struggling through. Our God is bigger than the failures, the lost times, the pain, and the grief. He knows more about the rewards of Love, the benefits of obedience, and the strength of a Unified pair. I pray that my husband would not see God as an asset but as his One lifeline; that he would wake up and talk to the Lord; that He would talk to the Lord then go to bed; that he would never stop the Conversation during the day. I sometimes feel like I'm the only one who talks to the Lord every hour of the day. I'm odd, I claim, but how can I hide from Him? How can I be silent when I NEED to talk to Him and no one else?
...What a crazy and furious dream...
I've just been thinking about the "ideal of it all" and such. Asking myself questions about location, attire, who will be around, etc.
It's quite funny, really.
I want to be outdoors, submitting to a new adventure in the very setting that I feel most free...wherever that is.
I want to be barefooted, as hippie as that sounds, because I know that the one I'm walking down the aisle toward will love me so much more for my barefootedness.
I want to walk down to "There She Goes," simply because it's been a theme song for me in my season of singleness.
You see, I completely disagree with those brides who make the "Big Day" all about them. Weddings involve the beauty and adorning of the bride, yes, but has anyone ever thought to consider the parents of the bride: How they're about to surrender their daughter to a worthy man. Has anyone ever thought about the parents of the groom: in their complete revelation that the woman walking down the aisle is the woman they've prepared him for forever? Has anyone thought about the groom: the one who will no longer care for just himself but will now take on the responsibility and the adventure of another?
Two adventures converging into one great and glorious new life.
My dream wedding involves the very hellish undergrounds quaking at the sight of such a power couple forging to quell the powers of darkness in the name of Jesus, by simply uniting in marriage.
My dream wedding involves the heavenly cries of angels as the power couple unites to further the Kingdom of Heaven more and more in whatever capacities and directions they've been called.
My dream wedding involves the claps and the shouts and the heart giggles of people who can look upon the new couple in pure respect and honor.
My dream wedding involves the happy sigh of the Father, as He joyfully exclaims "It is well."
I know not who my husband is. I know not of what he'll be like or what he'll be doing in life. My one prayer is that He KNOW that life is an adventure worth exploring, dreaming, and struggling through. Our God is bigger than the failures, the lost times, the pain, and the grief. He knows more about the rewards of Love, the benefits of obedience, and the strength of a Unified pair. I pray that my husband would not see God as an asset but as his One lifeline; that he would wake up and talk to the Lord; that He would talk to the Lord then go to bed; that he would never stop the Conversation during the day. I sometimes feel like I'm the only one who talks to the Lord every hour of the day. I'm odd, I claim, but how can I hide from Him? How can I be silent when I NEED to talk to Him and no one else?
...What a crazy and furious dream...
Friday, March 19, 2010
Nashville Diaries #5
Home
A place of origin
A people who accept you as grungy, beautiful, or anything in between
A haven when you've been on the road for 10 hours and you need a place of stability
[sigh]
The adventure in Nashville has ended
The car's free of its weight
The bags are unpacked
The washer's full
But the Adventure is far from over
It's just continuing
In a new setting
With new tones
And a new purpose
I'm thankful for what You did
I'm thankful for what You did that I didn't see
I'm thankful for what You will do with what You did in me
Don't let me stop driving with my windows down
Don't let me stop being fearless when I get lost in life
Don't let me stop taking risks just because I'm scared
Guide me in the way You would have me go, Lord
A place of origin
A people who accept you as grungy, beautiful, or anything in between
A haven when you've been on the road for 10 hours and you need a place of stability
[sigh]
The adventure in Nashville has ended
The car's free of its weight
The bags are unpacked
The washer's full
But the Adventure is far from over
It's just continuing
In a new setting
With new tones
And a new purpose
I'm thankful for what You did
I'm thankful for what You did that I didn't see
I'm thankful for what You will do with what You did in me
Don't let me stop driving with my windows down
Don't let me stop being fearless when I get lost in life
Don't let me stop taking risks just because I'm scared
Guide me in the way You would have me go, Lord
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Nashville Diaries #4
Woke up...early...to go to Pancake Pantry.
Arrived at 7:15ish. Was immediately seated and waited on. Upon first impression, I noticed students, an Army unit, various professors, etc. just chatting at their respective tables. Honestly, I wondered why they were meeting and what could possibly bring them out of their beds at such an early hour. Alas, I am a college student and even though I do have to wake up quite early on Tuesdays and Thursdays on a normal schedule, I have taken sunrises and early morning breakfasts for granted this spring break week. I started soaking "it" all in: the joy of seeing people interact, the chill atmosphere that allowed them such experiences as they ate their pancakes and talked in a rather cyclical fashion...Loved the Pancake Pantry
Then, traveled down Broadway to visit J&J's Market and Cafe. Sam, the owner, was a delight and we immediately entered into a conversation about James Avery rings and Dallas, TX. Greatly enjoyed my mocha with irish cream. Took a couple shots of the layout of the coffeeshop and was pleased with the space usage and the overall randomness of the look of the place. Sam and I won't forget each other. At least, that's what we told each other. haha
We, then, went on one of "Tommy's Tours." Yes, I surrendered to the tourist magnet and folded. I was blessed, though! Didn't have to waste gas. Just got on a bus with my sistas and traveled around the city with other people who wanted to know some of the "inside scoop" of the Music City. We toured movie stars' homes, the historic venues, the popular attractions, etc. I admit, we had already meandered down the downtown parts on our own but hearing a local lead us down the streets he "played on as a child" and hearing about the "alley that Carrie Underwood used for her 'Before He Cheats' video" was quite fascinating...it was simply fun:)
Went to the hotel for a couple hours, then traveled to the Bluebird Cafe. Oh, seriously. It was wonderful. We were in the standing room only group but who cares?!! We got to hear 4 amazing up-and-coming female artists who each had a flare and a flavor in their respective avenues of country music. We bought Bluebird paraphernalia and traveled on down to the McDonald's. But before we decided to head to the hotel, I got to stop off at Cafe Coco's for a quick peak at the haps and the look. Oh, goodness...I LOVED IT! The facility itself was just an old house, filled with tables/couches/ bar stools/and an overall bohemian feel. The patrons all ranged from college students, grunge folk, band members, and homeless...freakin almost made me cry. Not gonna lie. We just don't have that where I'm from, ya know? We have an amazing coffeehouse culture in CS but I'm overwhelmed by the ability of being able to establish a coffeehouse that attracts ALL kinds of people and not just the coffee drinkers or college students. Versatility. Diversity. Community...:)
Today was one of those days where we didn't try to cram stuff in just to say "we went there..." We wanted to spent time in places that allowed us to reflect, explore, and continue the adventure that's come about this week. It's been full of heart giggles, long moments of laughter, getting lost A LOT, beautiful stories from beautiful people, food that just fed the desire to explore more, "proof of life" conversations, etc. I got a quote album on my phone, some souvenirs that'll probably disappear by next week, photos that I pray will last beyond a lifetime, and a heart full of impressions and stories that will last as long as I can remember them.
"To live would be an awfully great adventure" Yep, Peter Pan. I quite agree with you. I must add, though, that I have lived and have been a part of a great adventure. The cool part is...it's not ending! Even though I'm going back home and going back to school soon, the adventure continues. The need to listen continues. The need to travel and learn more continues.
Glorious life. Thank you for such a creation, Father...
Arrived at 7:15ish. Was immediately seated and waited on. Upon first impression, I noticed students, an Army unit, various professors, etc. just chatting at their respective tables. Honestly, I wondered why they were meeting and what could possibly bring them out of their beds at such an early hour. Alas, I am a college student and even though I do have to wake up quite early on Tuesdays and Thursdays on a normal schedule, I have taken sunrises and early morning breakfasts for granted this spring break week. I started soaking "it" all in: the joy of seeing people interact, the chill atmosphere that allowed them such experiences as they ate their pancakes and talked in a rather cyclical fashion...Loved the Pancake Pantry
Then, traveled down Broadway to visit J&J's Market and Cafe. Sam, the owner, was a delight and we immediately entered into a conversation about James Avery rings and Dallas, TX. Greatly enjoyed my mocha with irish cream. Took a couple shots of the layout of the coffeeshop and was pleased with the space usage and the overall randomness of the look of the place. Sam and I won't forget each other. At least, that's what we told each other. haha
We, then, went on one of "Tommy's Tours." Yes, I surrendered to the tourist magnet and folded. I was blessed, though! Didn't have to waste gas. Just got on a bus with my sistas and traveled around the city with other people who wanted to know some of the "inside scoop" of the Music City. We toured movie stars' homes, the historic venues, the popular attractions, etc. I admit, we had already meandered down the downtown parts on our own but hearing a local lead us down the streets he "played on as a child" and hearing about the "alley that Carrie Underwood used for her 'Before He Cheats' video" was quite fascinating...it was simply fun:)
Went to the hotel for a couple hours, then traveled to the Bluebird Cafe. Oh, seriously. It was wonderful. We were in the standing room only group but who cares?!! We got to hear 4 amazing up-and-coming female artists who each had a flare and a flavor in their respective avenues of country music. We bought Bluebird paraphernalia and traveled on down to the McDonald's. But before we decided to head to the hotel, I got to stop off at Cafe Coco's for a quick peak at the haps and the look. Oh, goodness...I LOVED IT! The facility itself was just an old house, filled with tables/couches/ bar stools/and an overall bohemian feel. The patrons all ranged from college students, grunge folk, band members, and homeless...freakin almost made me cry. Not gonna lie. We just don't have that where I'm from, ya know? We have an amazing coffeehouse culture in CS but I'm overwhelmed by the ability of being able to establish a coffeehouse that attracts ALL kinds of people and not just the coffee drinkers or college students. Versatility. Diversity. Community...:)
Today was one of those days where we didn't try to cram stuff in just to say "we went there..." We wanted to spent time in places that allowed us to reflect, explore, and continue the adventure that's come about this week. It's been full of heart giggles, long moments of laughter, getting lost A LOT, beautiful stories from beautiful people, food that just fed the desire to explore more, "proof of life" conversations, etc. I got a quote album on my phone, some souvenirs that'll probably disappear by next week, photos that I pray will last beyond a lifetime, and a heart full of impressions and stories that will last as long as I can remember them.
"To live would be an awfully great adventure" Yep, Peter Pan. I quite agree with you. I must add, though, that I have lived and have been a part of a great adventure. The cool part is...it's not ending! Even though I'm going back home and going back to school soon, the adventure continues. The need to listen continues. The need to travel and learn more continues.
Glorious life. Thank you for such a creation, Father...
Nashville Diaries #3 Part Two
March 17, 2010 Entry: Part Two
Prema is the director/visioneer/pioneer for NFI. She is the queen of the castle and works hard for her students. Again, to recap, Nashville Film Institute is an institute for interested people (usually 18-25) with dreams of entering the Hollywood scene, as future directors, actors, cinematographers, etc. 9 month program. Intense hands-on curriculum for all students. Wonderful rewards. Check out thenfi.com for more info!!!
Back to Prema...wonderful woman with great vision and sincere passion for providing a refuge for students who have what it takes to explore and learn and apply all that they learn. Once they're done with the program, Prema hooks them up in any way she can. She has a passion for forging relationships for people who need to make the "right connections" and she's good at it!:)
So, we spent 2+ hours with her: learning, talking, encouraging, being encouraged, etc. Wonderful usage of time and thought, as we explored another aspect of such an amazing culture in Nashville.
We, then, traveled downstairs to the Big Idea! Productions. If you didn't know this, they are the creators and designers of Veggie Tales!!! I never watched V.T. as a kid but I grew up with it all around me so it was a definite blessing to get to talk with a designer there and just hear his perspective about the company and its impact. Great guy...Ron.
The rest of the day, we traveled to downtown Nashville to explore and allow our budgets to widen a bit at the sight of some cool art pieces in Earthbound and Hatch Show Store.
Today was just one of those days where I closed my eyes, breathed in-breathed out, and just happily sighed out of the sheer need to do something to express my overwhelmed feelings. The Lord understood my sigh and I felt a great peace wash over me.
I don't know what the future holds but I honestly could care less. I get excited about the "tomorrows" and the "somedays" but honestly, the Lord is leading this dance and I'm down with the direction. I pray that I am, anyway:)
Prema is the director/visioneer/pioneer for NFI. She is the queen of the castle and works hard for her students. Again, to recap, Nashville Film Institute is an institute for interested people (usually 18-25) with dreams of entering the Hollywood scene, as future directors, actors, cinematographers, etc. 9 month program. Intense hands-on curriculum for all students. Wonderful rewards. Check out thenfi.com for more info!!!
Back to Prema...wonderful woman with great vision and sincere passion for providing a refuge for students who have what it takes to explore and learn and apply all that they learn. Once they're done with the program, Prema hooks them up in any way she can. She has a passion for forging relationships for people who need to make the "right connections" and she's good at it!:)
So, we spent 2+ hours with her: learning, talking, encouraging, being encouraged, etc. Wonderful usage of time and thought, as we explored another aspect of such an amazing culture in Nashville.
We, then, traveled downstairs to the Big Idea! Productions. If you didn't know this, they are the creators and designers of Veggie Tales!!! I never watched V.T. as a kid but I grew up with it all around me so it was a definite blessing to get to talk with a designer there and just hear his perspective about the company and its impact. Great guy...Ron.
The rest of the day, we traveled to downtown Nashville to explore and allow our budgets to widen a bit at the sight of some cool art pieces in Earthbound and Hatch Show Store.
Today was just one of those days where I closed my eyes, breathed in-breathed out, and just happily sighed out of the sheer need to do something to express my overwhelmed feelings. The Lord understood my sigh and I felt a great peace wash over me.
I don't know what the future holds but I honestly could care less. I get excited about the "tomorrows" and the "somedays" but honestly, the Lord is leading this dance and I'm down with the direction. I pray that I am, anyway:)
Nashville Diaries #3 Part One
I am overwhelmed with such need to praise my Holy and Providing God...it's just ridiculous as to how specifically He blesses us. I had no real desire today for anything specific.
We decided to travel to Franklin today, to hang out at the Factory and check out Downtown. We shopped and found some cutesy things. We photographed one another in a big rocking chair that perfectly displayed our small frames and funny ideas about self.
We then traveled to Bldg. 2 to simply explore. We went up to Floor 2 and 2 1/2 hours later, went back down with heart giggles and a new appreciation for the hidden gems of Tennessee
The Nashville Film Institute. A haven for the up-and-coming engineers of beautiful filmmaking. A field of hands-on development made of gifts and dreams. A castle of one queen, her counsel, and the princes and princesses of the court.
These people are beautiful. Not necessarily in the sense that they're Abercrombie models with beach blonde hair and pretty faces. No, these people emanated beauty with their stories of how they got there and where they're going, etc. They took time out of life to share life with us. I'm blessed.
We left NFI with promotional tools, t-shirts, accesses of communication, and some heavy impressions that still weigh.
I want to help; to get involved; to push through the practicality and blend dreams with reality. I don't know why the Lord brought us to NFI today but the fact is...He did. Now, we look forward. Trusting Him and leaning on Him to continue the adventure
Wherever it leads
(more about Prema, Big Idea!, Demo's, and Parks at Earthbound tomorrow:)
We decided to travel to Franklin today, to hang out at the Factory and check out Downtown. We shopped and found some cutesy things. We photographed one another in a big rocking chair that perfectly displayed our small frames and funny ideas about self.
We then traveled to Bldg. 2 to simply explore. We went up to Floor 2 and 2 1/2 hours later, went back down with heart giggles and a new appreciation for the hidden gems of Tennessee
The Nashville Film Institute. A haven for the up-and-coming engineers of beautiful filmmaking. A field of hands-on development made of gifts and dreams. A castle of one queen, her counsel, and the princes and princesses of the court.
These people are beautiful. Not necessarily in the sense that they're Abercrombie models with beach blonde hair and pretty faces. No, these people emanated beauty with their stories of how they got there and where they're going, etc. They took time out of life to share life with us. I'm blessed.
We left NFI with promotional tools, t-shirts, accesses of communication, and some heavy impressions that still weigh.
I want to help; to get involved; to push through the practicality and blend dreams with reality. I don't know why the Lord brought us to NFI today but the fact is...He did. Now, we look forward. Trusting Him and leaning on Him to continue the adventure
Wherever it leads
(more about Prema, Big Idea!, Demo's, and Parks at Earthbound tomorrow:)
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Nashville Diaries #2
Reflecting on the day while listening to the whir of a fan as my two traveling sistas sleep in the bed next to mine.
Located in Nashville.
Haven't seen much of this unknown city yet. Drove down Broadway for a bit but was crazed with frustration as we faced the problem of Nashville Predator parking. We decided upon further exploration that tonight would be a night of pizza delivery and Office episodes.
Beautiful freedom in spontaneity.
I don't know what to make of this city yet. I refuse to compare it to what I know. Instead, I choose to wait in the forming of my opinions when I've acquainted myself with more of this culture and style of life.
Tomorrow, we hit up more places. Await more stories. Ready ourselves for more face-to-face interaction with the "Music City."
Blank slate.
Located in Nashville.
Haven't seen much of this unknown city yet. Drove down Broadway for a bit but was crazed with frustration as we faced the problem of Nashville Predator parking. We decided upon further exploration that tonight would be a night of pizza delivery and Office episodes.
Beautiful freedom in spontaneity.
I don't know what to make of this city yet. I refuse to compare it to what I know. Instead, I choose to wait in the forming of my opinions when I've acquainted myself with more of this culture and style of life.
Tomorrow, we hit up more places. Await more stories. Ready ourselves for more face-to-face interaction with the "Music City."
Blank slate.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Nasvhille Diaries #1
Laying on my rollaway bed in a room in the beautiful Peabody Hotel. It currently houses duffel bags, peaceful times, and a period of reflection from the day spent in good 'ol Memphis.
Staring at my "Got Blues" shot glass and Elvis-imprinted guitar picks.
Thinking about Smokey, the amazing storyteller at the Memphis Music Store, who graciously shared a piece of his adventure...for many years, he fought a battle for musical freedom and independence in the realm of soul and blues. Walking with John Lennon before he knew anything of "rock 'n roll" to pounding pavement with guitar and harmonica in hand in San Francisco in the 60s, this dude defined "traveler." Oh, Smokey, What's left to be done in your story?
Today, we traversed down Beale Street looking for food, special items to help us remember the night we spent getting to know Memphis, TN, and people to talk with who had life to share.
We ate at Blues City Cafe. Bought guitar picks, shot glasses, mugs, and a harmonica from stores that breathed tourist knock-offs and alcoholic stenches. Beautiful stuff
Now, we rest. We ready for the next day, in which we'll explore the life of "the King" and travel down I-40 to our Olympus...*cough*...sweet Nashville:)
If you read this, pray for us: that we remain constantly in the Spirit as we drive, talk, serve, buy, eat, sleep, etc.
We don't do this for our own enjoyment. We travel with the constant knowledge that our Father has gone before us, preparing the way for us to extend love to people and to be poured into.
*Heart giggles*
Staring at my "Got Blues" shot glass and Elvis-imprinted guitar picks.
Thinking about Smokey, the amazing storyteller at the Memphis Music Store, who graciously shared a piece of his adventure...for many years, he fought a battle for musical freedom and independence in the realm of soul and blues. Walking with John Lennon before he knew anything of "rock 'n roll" to pounding pavement with guitar and harmonica in hand in San Francisco in the 60s, this dude defined "traveler." Oh, Smokey, What's left to be done in your story?
Today, we traversed down Beale Street looking for food, special items to help us remember the night we spent getting to know Memphis, TN, and people to talk with who had life to share.
We ate at Blues City Cafe. Bought guitar picks, shot glasses, mugs, and a harmonica from stores that breathed tourist knock-offs and alcoholic stenches. Beautiful stuff
Now, we rest. We ready for the next day, in which we'll explore the life of "the King" and travel down I-40 to our Olympus...*cough*...sweet Nashville:)
If you read this, pray for us: that we remain constantly in the Spirit as we drive, talk, serve, buy, eat, sleep, etc.
We don't do this for our own enjoyment. We travel with the constant knowledge that our Father has gone before us, preparing the way for us to extend love to people and to be poured into.
*Heart giggles*
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Night Before A New Adventure
Chill time in my bro's room + Dark red nail polish + a semi-packed bag + road trip tunes + story time with the family...
this is the night before a new adventure.
This adventure will shake me, chisel me, awaken me, and purify me all in one road trip. I'm traveling with beautiful sisters (wish the Kiwi was there, too:) who I love and trust dearly. Nashville is a place I've heard about, dreamed about, and read about in the past year and what awaits...I can only imagine.
My God is once again going to move beyond any of my simple expectations and overflow my cup with intense and specific proof of His Love.
I don't have to dream about being a traveler or an adventurer.
I choose to be one. I choose to let the Lord continue my destiny of being such a named crusader.
The overwhelming joy inside me needs to be unleashed and over the next five days, I pray that my love for the Lord will greatly increase will greatly increase because of my growing closeness and understanding of His Mystery.
With my camera in tow and what little money I can spend freely there in special envelopes marked with specific days to be used, I will begin this road trip at 6 am tomorrow.
The car will start. The wheels will roll. The driving rotation will begin.
All in the name of dreams, adventure, and a love far beyond my understanding.
...I'm chasing my Jesus to Nashville...
this is the night before a new adventure.
This adventure will shake me, chisel me, awaken me, and purify me all in one road trip. I'm traveling with beautiful sisters (wish the Kiwi was there, too:) who I love and trust dearly. Nashville is a place I've heard about, dreamed about, and read about in the past year and what awaits...I can only imagine.
My God is once again going to move beyond any of my simple expectations and overflow my cup with intense and specific proof of His Love.
I don't have to dream about being a traveler or an adventurer.
I choose to be one. I choose to let the Lord continue my destiny of being such a named crusader.
The overwhelming joy inside me needs to be unleashed and over the next five days, I pray that my love for the Lord will greatly increase will greatly increase because of my growing closeness and understanding of His Mystery.
With my camera in tow and what little money I can spend freely there in special envelopes marked with specific days to be used, I will begin this road trip at 6 am tomorrow.
The car will start. The wheels will roll. The driving rotation will begin.
All in the name of dreams, adventure, and a love far beyond my understanding.
...I'm chasing my Jesus to Nashville...
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Too Much, Too Many
Too much nice with too little love
Too much time with too little intentionality
Too much distance with too little contact
Too much expression with too little reflection
Too many dreams with too few actions
Too many laughs with too few tears
Too many conflicts with too few resolutions
Too many broken with too few counselors
_____________________________________________________
Over the past couple of years, the Lord has placed an indescribable passion on my heart for Hollywood. To be more specific...the movie stars.
As people laugh at the tabloids and hear about the deaths, divorces, and destruction of relationships....I pray. I cry. I reflect on "what could be..."
Most know that I have a passion for ministry. Most also know that I have a passion for business. Most don't know that I hope and pray for FUSION in my life of the two. Counseling is an option.
_____________________________________________________
To listen to the cries of the stars who need to talk
To hold the hands of the scarred and broken people who
Daily sacrifice their bodies, their thoughts, and their emotions
All for the sake of "the job"
Gaga to Brangelina
Sandy to Meryl
Miley to Taylor
Why do we laugh at their cries for help?
Why do we condone their "Daycare Centers" when they wear the Rehab Center facade?
Why do we say "there goes another one" when someone has passed due to drug overdose?
If I am the only one to go there one day and minister to these people
Then, that's how it's gonna be
But, please! Join me in praying for them, at least
I long to be a listener, a comforter, a counselor
I don't desire to condemn or point out their faults
They have enough of that from their agents, families, and audiences
More than anything, I want to serve them with time to rest: in an office, a park, a room in the back of a counseling center that actually wants to help...
Too Much Nice
Too much time with too little intentionality
Too much distance with too little contact
Too much expression with too little reflection
Too many dreams with too few actions
Too many laughs with too few tears
Too many conflicts with too few resolutions
Too many broken with too few counselors
_____________________________________________________
Over the past couple of years, the Lord has placed an indescribable passion on my heart for Hollywood. To be more specific...the movie stars.
As people laugh at the tabloids and hear about the deaths, divorces, and destruction of relationships....I pray. I cry. I reflect on "what could be..."
Most know that I have a passion for ministry. Most also know that I have a passion for business. Most don't know that I hope and pray for FUSION in my life of the two. Counseling is an option.
_____________________________________________________
To listen to the cries of the stars who need to talk
To hold the hands of the scarred and broken people who
Daily sacrifice their bodies, their thoughts, and their emotions
All for the sake of "the job"
Gaga to Brangelina
Sandy to Meryl
Miley to Taylor
Why do we laugh at their cries for help?
Why do we condone their "Daycare Centers" when they wear the Rehab Center facade?
Why do we say "there goes another one" when someone has passed due to drug overdose?
If I am the only one to go there one day and minister to these people
Then, that's how it's gonna be
But, please! Join me in praying for them, at least
I long to be a listener, a comforter, a counselor
I don't desire to condemn or point out their faults
They have enough of that from their agents, families, and audiences
More than anything, I want to serve them with time to rest: in an office, a park, a room in the back of a counseling center that actually wants to help...
Too Much Nice
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Early Bird Catches the...Sausage Biscuit???
7 AM
...Got here at 6:30...
After driving half of a mile to the nearest McD's, I awakened to the smell of coffee, pancakes, and sausage. For the past couple of weeks, I have come to this establishment to spend time with the Lord, observe the city awaken around me, and reflect on life. I also needed something to awaken me for my 8 AM so what better way to do it than a $1 sausage biscuit?!:)
The first visit here, I was taken aback by the great cloud of witnesses that surrounded me at 6:30 AM. Older men in their 70s reading the Word in corners; women in their 70s and 80s talking about the warrior princess life in the "Tiger Den;" a college girl like me, journaling and reading in the Word in the corner...
I can't tell you how encouraging it is to wake up every Tuesday, Thursday and be surrounded by brothers and sisters who need to do the exact same thing every day...give their days up to the Lord and just spend time with Him. None of us have truly interacted yet, I'm sad to say. But, I know that the guy who sits at the high bar table and reads his Bible from 6-7 is named Charlie. I know that a guy walks in at around 6:40 every Tuesday and knows all the people's names behind the counter and their back-stories.
It's amazing. To share the grunge, the beauty, the start of a daily life with someone each day, even if we never interact...is AWESOME!!!
Goal of the week...ask Charlie THE QUESTION aka "What's your story?" :)
Love Out Loud
...Got here at 6:30...
After driving half of a mile to the nearest McD's, I awakened to the smell of coffee, pancakes, and sausage. For the past couple of weeks, I have come to this establishment to spend time with the Lord, observe the city awaken around me, and reflect on life. I also needed something to awaken me for my 8 AM so what better way to do it than a $1 sausage biscuit?!:)
The first visit here, I was taken aback by the great cloud of witnesses that surrounded me at 6:30 AM. Older men in their 70s reading the Word in corners; women in their 70s and 80s talking about the warrior princess life in the "Tiger Den;" a college girl like me, journaling and reading in the Word in the corner...
I can't tell you how encouraging it is to wake up every Tuesday, Thursday and be surrounded by brothers and sisters who need to do the exact same thing every day...give their days up to the Lord and just spend time with Him. None of us have truly interacted yet, I'm sad to say. But, I know that the guy who sits at the high bar table and reads his Bible from 6-7 is named Charlie. I know that a guy walks in at around 6:40 every Tuesday and knows all the people's names behind the counter and their back-stories.
It's amazing. To share the grunge, the beauty, the start of a daily life with someone each day, even if we never interact...is AWESOME!!!
Goal of the week...ask Charlie THE QUESTION aka "What's your story?" :)
Love Out Loud
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Just A Thought...
I run to my car to grab my iPod
They run for their lives
I buy overly-priced coffee three days a week
They buy shoes to sell for three days' food
I talk about Jesus over lunch
They talk about Jesus in their jail cells
I laugh about inside jokes with friends
They laugh when their handcuffs are removed
I sing because I can
They sing because it's all they can do not to scream
I hold back love when I'm scared or judgmental
They love anyone because it's their only weapon for surviving
I wear scarves to express my personality
They wear scarves to keep from freezing
~I'm not trying to nag or harp on or wave a flame-bearing fist at "THE MAN"
but seriously,
what are we not doing???
what are we not dwelling on for more than moments at a time???
I live by the Bible aka God's love in paper form.
But, can I honestly claim such a thing when I am definitely overlooking James 1:27
"...to visit orphans and widows in their affliction"
How can I not, AT LEAST, say something?
They run for their lives
I buy overly-priced coffee three days a week
They buy shoes to sell for three days' food
I talk about Jesus over lunch
They talk about Jesus in their jail cells
I laugh about inside jokes with friends
They laugh when their handcuffs are removed
I sing because I can
They sing because it's all they can do not to scream
I hold back love when I'm scared or judgmental
They love anyone because it's their only weapon for surviving
I wear scarves to express my personality
They wear scarves to keep from freezing
~I'm not trying to nag or harp on or wave a flame-bearing fist at "THE MAN"
but seriously,
what are we not doing???
what are we not dwelling on for more than moments at a time???
I live by the Bible aka God's love in paper form.
But, can I honestly claim such a thing when I am definitely overlooking James 1:27
"...to visit orphans and widows in their affliction"
How can I not, AT LEAST, say something?
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Love Collides...Love Wins
*Ephesians 2:16-21*
Crazy, extravagant, furious love
Pushing back the darkness
From my midst
I place Jesus as the centerfold
Of my heart and mind
As I open the pages
Of my thoughts
If I were to squeeze
The contents of my heart out,
What would ooze out?
Little liter of Jesus, followed by
By a gallon full of people
And another gallon full of
Mediums of entertainment and art
I cheat on my King constantly
How gross!
He is a King far worth more than
The wanderlust of the world
His love speaks louder
Than the fame that
Darkness spreads
In our love-hungry world
I see through the eyes
Of fellow wanderers:
The need for something
Bigger than their frivolity
They cry, they flail
They streak through the night
Searching for satisfaction
From anything that breathes instant gratification
The darkest of places
Houses their kind of satisfaction
Only till sunrise
Does it truly have an effect
The hearts are as sick and black
As the night that
Cloaks them in their
Craze
No light seems to exist
Or really appear
In the shadows
_______________________________________
But, wait.......
_______________________________________
I hear cries of VICTORY
Piercing the sounds
Of the hellish silence
Underneath the ground I walk upon,
I hear stomping and cheers
Full of much more than
Volume and reverberation
These people believe their
Love is winning in the constant battle
Between Light and dark
Their God has moved today
They claim
Their proof is found in the
Turning in of heroin needles and razors;
The smiling responses given upon hearing the Love Message;
The forsaken cloaks that fell when
The former owners ran in the way of newfound freedom
Fleeing from the darkness, into the Light
It's found in the LOVE
Of a Holy God
Fighting and pushing back
The darkness
Slowly and progressively
Truth uncovers the lies
Purity cleanses the grunge of heart
Love clashes with darkness
And wins
HALLELUJAH
For a God who
loves beyond the shadows, the needles, the lost minds, the instantly gratified, the cheating, the blasphemy...
Praise Him for loving a collection of His broken children who long ago gave upon Truth and picked up obnoxious agendas and ferocious hatred of the morally inept.
I claim rebellion, if I must.
I seek to serve beyond comfort
Rebuke the agendas
Forsake the titles
And submit my feminist heart
All in the name of a God who loves me beyond the flesh, the brokenness, the scars of zits/burdens/ and pain.
LOVE WINS
Crazy, extravagant, furious love
Pushing back the darkness
From my midst
I place Jesus as the centerfold
Of my heart and mind
As I open the pages
Of my thoughts
If I were to squeeze
The contents of my heart out,
What would ooze out?
Little liter of Jesus, followed by
By a gallon full of people
And another gallon full of
Mediums of entertainment and art
I cheat on my King constantly
How gross!
He is a King far worth more than
The wanderlust of the world
His love speaks louder
Than the fame that
Darkness spreads
In our love-hungry world
I see through the eyes
Of fellow wanderers:
The need for something
Bigger than their frivolity
They cry, they flail
They streak through the night
Searching for satisfaction
From anything that breathes instant gratification
The darkest of places
Houses their kind of satisfaction
Only till sunrise
Does it truly have an effect
The hearts are as sick and black
As the night that
Cloaks them in their
Craze
No light seems to exist
Or really appear
In the shadows
_______________________________________
But, wait.......
_______________________________________
I hear cries of VICTORY
Piercing the sounds
Of the hellish silence
Underneath the ground I walk upon,
I hear stomping and cheers
Full of much more than
Volume and reverberation
These people believe their
Love is winning in the constant battle
Between Light and dark
Their God has moved today
They claim
Their proof is found in the
Turning in of heroin needles and razors;
The smiling responses given upon hearing the Love Message;
The forsaken cloaks that fell when
The former owners ran in the way of newfound freedom
Fleeing from the darkness, into the Light
It's found in the LOVE
Of a Holy God
Fighting and pushing back
The darkness
Slowly and progressively
Truth uncovers the lies
Purity cleanses the grunge of heart
Love clashes with darkness
And wins
HALLELUJAH
For a God who
loves beyond the shadows, the needles, the lost minds, the instantly gratified, the cheating, the blasphemy...
Praise Him for loving a collection of His broken children who long ago gave upon Truth and picked up obnoxious agendas and ferocious hatred of the morally inept.
I claim rebellion, if I must.
I seek to serve beyond comfort
Rebuke the agendas
Forsake the titles
And submit my feminist heart
All in the name of a God who loves me beyond the flesh, the brokenness, the scars of zits/burdens/ and pain.
LOVE WINS
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Lessons Learned
1. The Difference B/T Friendship and Sistahood
-Friendship is formed when at least two people decide to share life with one another, whether that be in the form of random conversations, phone calls, text messages, encounters, etc. It's a beautiful thing because one person decides to rely on another person and share life, share truth, and just love on that other person. sweet
-Sistahood is made when these friendships are transformed by a Holy God who ordains tightness, intimacy, and unconditional love. These bonds do not dissolve in the passing of time, growing of distance, or the change of the seasons. These sistahood bonds grow in love; grow in richness; grow in maturity because of the One who has formed and nurtured them.
I've got a lot of sweet friendships. But, I've also come to understand that I've got some sistas in Dallas and in College Station and even beyond that I can't lose depth of love or strength with. Let's get honest: A lot of change is going on right now in my life. I'm not the only one. But, because I recognize change as a constant, I am blessed by people who are willing to come with this change and love me despite myself.
Beauty beyond compare. Intimacy beyond worldly understanding. That's my Creator for ya
2. A Toolbox
-So, A LOT of friends are getting engaged lately. It's kind of awesome. But, with this awesome change going on in life, I am dealing with my own struggles relating to such relational life change.
I am fearful of dating. Did you know that? Always have been and still am. Read a couple notes back and you'll see a total heart cry. lol But! The whole dating fear really stems back to my fear of commitment. My fear of commitment connects to my fear of marriage: that word that symbolizes intimacy, grace, trust, and total dependence on another person. I AM A SELFISH BEING, friends. I love being single. Having my own life to deal with is so awesome and great but as the Lord and I have been walking together for many years now, He's started taking me on a path that involves a lot of mirrors and "operation tables." I've had to look inside myself like never before and come to grips with the fact that I AM SELFISH. I AM LONELY. I AM MORE INDEPENDENTLY DEPENDENT ON SELF THAN EVER BEFORE. but...
-A God of complete and total grace LOVES ME FOR ME. He doesn't let me stay in this condition of hopelessness but instead, releases me from shame and grief and turns me in the direction of Light and Love. So, in light of these realizations, the Lord brought this picture to me...
There's this toolbox, full of tools of all kinds: hammers, wrenches, drills, pliers, grips, nails, sandpaper, screws, bits, etc. I am one of these tools. I have a purpose and I am working on functioning beautifully. I fill a role that no other tool can meet. The carpenter that uses me has a big plan, not necessarily for me but for the whole toolbox. Cool. So, I realize that by myself, I can do this on my own. Without Him, I can't do anything but with Him, I fulfill my role beautifully.
But, then, He brings another tool in to complete another task ALONGSIDE my own. I don't get it but I also see that more of the design is being completed.
Application: There is a Kingdom that can't be shaken. He's bringing His kingdom to earth and it's our role, as the Body of Christ, to help Him bring it. I've got a role in this life to do what He calls me to do. But! Sometime in this life, He may bring a man, with his own role, to join me in completing my role and bring more of the Kingdom here. "Two are better than one..." correct? (Ecclesiastes 4:9)
I'm not saying that marriage happens for everybody. But, I'm also saying, that I get it now...PTL!!!
3. Last Lesson
-I don't live this life for myself. I can say that and mean it and live it now because I get it. I get that He controls my direction. I am staying in college an extra semester b/c a part of my role in this life involves another semester of completing something. It's not just about graduation. It's not just about me wanting to get back to Dallas so I can possibly join a church that I am falling in love with. It's not just about starting on loan repayment....IT'S SO MUCH BIGGER!!! He's got plans. I am involved in these plans, just like you, my brothers and sisters.
READ THIS, IF ANYTHING: He freakin loves us. He wants us to share in His love and mercy and GRACE. This stuff is far richer than the satisfaction you're getting from watching Youtube videos, or reading books about other people's lives, or the relationship that you're in that is getting way too good to be true (whatever that means lol)
Please know...I LOVE AND SERVE AND HAVE COMMITTED MY LIFE TO A GOD OF LOVE, COMPASSION, AND GRACE.
I don't get Him a lot of the time but I have reckless faith, radical obedience, and steadfast trust in His purposes, reasons, and directions.
:selah
-Friendship is formed when at least two people decide to share life with one another, whether that be in the form of random conversations, phone calls, text messages, encounters, etc. It's a beautiful thing because one person decides to rely on another person and share life, share truth, and just love on that other person. sweet
-Sistahood is made when these friendships are transformed by a Holy God who ordains tightness, intimacy, and unconditional love. These bonds do not dissolve in the passing of time, growing of distance, or the change of the seasons. These sistahood bonds grow in love; grow in richness; grow in maturity because of the One who has formed and nurtured them.
I've got a lot of sweet friendships. But, I've also come to understand that I've got some sistas in Dallas and in College Station and even beyond that I can't lose depth of love or strength with. Let's get honest: A lot of change is going on right now in my life. I'm not the only one. But, because I recognize change as a constant, I am blessed by people who are willing to come with this change and love me despite myself.
Beauty beyond compare. Intimacy beyond worldly understanding. That's my Creator for ya
2. A Toolbox
-So, A LOT of friends are getting engaged lately. It's kind of awesome. But, with this awesome change going on in life, I am dealing with my own struggles relating to such relational life change.
I am fearful of dating. Did you know that? Always have been and still am. Read a couple notes back and you'll see a total heart cry. lol But! The whole dating fear really stems back to my fear of commitment. My fear of commitment connects to my fear of marriage: that word that symbolizes intimacy, grace, trust, and total dependence on another person. I AM A SELFISH BEING, friends. I love being single. Having my own life to deal with is so awesome and great but as the Lord and I have been walking together for many years now, He's started taking me on a path that involves a lot of mirrors and "operation tables." I've had to look inside myself like never before and come to grips with the fact that I AM SELFISH. I AM LONELY. I AM MORE INDEPENDENTLY DEPENDENT ON SELF THAN EVER BEFORE. but...
-A God of complete and total grace LOVES ME FOR ME. He doesn't let me stay in this condition of hopelessness but instead, releases me from shame and grief and turns me in the direction of Light and Love. So, in light of these realizations, the Lord brought this picture to me...
There's this toolbox, full of tools of all kinds: hammers, wrenches, drills, pliers, grips, nails, sandpaper, screws, bits, etc. I am one of these tools. I have a purpose and I am working on functioning beautifully. I fill a role that no other tool can meet. The carpenter that uses me has a big plan, not necessarily for me but for the whole toolbox. Cool. So, I realize that by myself, I can do this on my own. Without Him, I can't do anything but with Him, I fulfill my role beautifully.
But, then, He brings another tool in to complete another task ALONGSIDE my own. I don't get it but I also see that more of the design is being completed.
Application: There is a Kingdom that can't be shaken. He's bringing His kingdom to earth and it's our role, as the Body of Christ, to help Him bring it. I've got a role in this life to do what He calls me to do. But! Sometime in this life, He may bring a man, with his own role, to join me in completing my role and bring more of the Kingdom here. "Two are better than one..." correct? (Ecclesiastes 4:9)
I'm not saying that marriage happens for everybody. But, I'm also saying, that I get it now...PTL!!!
3. Last Lesson
-I don't live this life for myself. I can say that and mean it and live it now because I get it. I get that He controls my direction. I am staying in college an extra semester b/c a part of my role in this life involves another semester of completing something. It's not just about graduation. It's not just about me wanting to get back to Dallas so I can possibly join a church that I am falling in love with. It's not just about starting on loan repayment....IT'S SO MUCH BIGGER!!! He's got plans. I am involved in these plans, just like you, my brothers and sisters.
READ THIS, IF ANYTHING: He freakin loves us. He wants us to share in His love and mercy and GRACE. This stuff is far richer than the satisfaction you're getting from watching Youtube videos, or reading books about other people's lives, or the relationship that you're in that is getting way too good to be true (whatever that means lol)
Please know...I LOVE AND SERVE AND HAVE COMMITTED MY LIFE TO A GOD OF LOVE, COMPASSION, AND GRACE.
I don't get Him a lot of the time but I have reckless faith, radical obedience, and steadfast trust in His purposes, reasons, and directions.
:selah
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