Traveler

Remember the days forgotten

When thoughts were wrapped

Around the next big adventure

Family vacations weren't feared

But desired because of

The road that awaited

Ideas roll around in my head

Like gerbils running thoughtlessly

On their wheels

The yearning and the craving

Walk hand in hand

As I dream of my

Other identity

To travel, To run

In the ways of the sun

To long for nights of sleeplessness

Just to dance in a desert

Or lie on a beach

Away from the familiarity

The battles that rage

The hearts that are caged

All long for escape

I want to free

The enslaved

And rattle the cage of

The oppressors

I want to flee from

A life of ordinary things

And walk in the midst

Of radical beings

My heroes all left legacies

Some small, some big

Who cares? They exist

To leave a legacy of love

To leave a legacy of adventure

That's what I desire

To live like a child

Constantly running toward

Her Father at full speed

Ah, the life of a Traveler

Life

Movies that inspire

Just by breathing words

Like "vagabond" and

"Traveler"

Quotes that resonate

Within, trying to

Awaken the sleeping

Tiger seeking to

Prowl for an adventure

I yearn to fly

I yearn to leap

I yearn to embrace

The unknown

Questions fill

Thoughts provoke

Life stares me in the

Face and says,

"What now?"

I breathe and sigh

And turn away

Submitting to my fear

Is Life really clothed

In the shadows of

Fear and doubt?

Or do I find that Life's

Wearing the mask

That I've given it?

I turn around

To face my Life

But, wait!

It's not just my Life I see now

I see One who is clothed

In grace and peace

He's far too pure and beautiful

To look upon

I hide my face with my small hands

Then, His hands encompass mine

As I continue to try and hide

The imperfection

He strips my hands from my face

And breathes Peace over me

Oh, the sweet smell of it

The feeling of warmth

The knowing of Truth

All embrace me

To trust

To leap

To fly

Into my Father's arms

sigh

Crying Poem of a Warrior Princess

I confess, o Father King

I don't know hoe to be

Your daughter

Day and night

I shout the battlecry

Letting it resonate within

My Sword

Is daily sharpened

And the victories are claimed

By your matchless Name

But, as You

Call me back

To sit at Your feet

I rebel

Don't make me REST

Don't make me LISTEN

To Your gentle whispers

Of love and adoration

What is wrong with me?!

Why can't I figure

Out how to be a princess?

One who daily claims beauty

Daily seeks after my Prince with eagerness

Daily asks for calmness in heart

Abba, you're my Daddy

You desire me to soften,

To submit, to cry

To You

When I'm broken...

I confess

...I'm scared of being WEAK... (Biblical Combative Maneuver=2 Cor. 12:9!)

Lord, I need You

To remind me of how to

Be Your daughter,

A princess and heir

Teach me how to

Submit, soften, and serve

I long to love

I long to giggle

I long to be okay

With liking a boy

BUT!!!

Continue to remind me that

You know the way in which

I'm to go

Guide me and push me

To FOLLOW you

I pray for

Reckless communion with

Your Holy Spirit

Only You

Did I run away again?

I heard you callin'

My name

The world has appealed to me

So much lately and

I can't seem to

Steal myself

Away

Rescue me,

Jesus

Only you can save me

From the finer things

In life

I know you want

Me

In your arms

To stay

But I seem to

Crawl away

Again & again

So, whisper to me

Now

Your kind of

Love songs

Let me hear them now

Above the

Crowd

You are my Lord

You are my Lover

I desire to be

Satisfied only

By You

Let me love You

Even a quarter

Of how You love

Me

So, may I

Constantly pursue

Constantly return

Constantly desire

To escape,

To breathe,

To adore

Only You

Selah

Peering down the never ending road

Periodically gazing at

The baby blue skies

That surround

Reflecting upon the peace I have about the future

And exuding joy in the midst of battles

Knowing the quiet coming of victory

Is near

Craving fearlessness and

Desiring to recklessly abandon

Ordinary days and

Simple feelings of the supposedly

Necessary "senioritis" mindset

Where I am in life is

Where I would love to stay

This place of peace that

Allows storms to rage and

Scars to form

Yet the Lord is my Refuge

And I am learning about

The Living Truth of such

Words

I cannot comprehend

How such storms exist

Yet peace rains down

As sure as the conflicts do

I rejoice and cry out

SELAH

*selah: to weigh or measure; to let Truth rest and weigh upon your heart

What is it about rainy days that just send me into complete reflection and meditation?

The sound of raindrops hitting the pangs of glass PING!

The glide of those very drops down the windows of my house

The feel of the raindrops on my skin

The tingle even after they dissipate into the cold air

The need to dance in my bare feet with complete abandon

The way people look after the rain has ruined their perfect hair or faces

The way rain forces response of utter beauty or agony :)

The lessons I learn when I hear the rain drop on my feet

The feeling of His tears rest on my head

Tears of joy that His people are doing something in the world

Tears of sadness that we aren't bearing love with every movement of the

Hands, feet, and mouth

[sigh]

Rain may not give me life

But it'll sure push me to

Think about it a little more

God of Dreams

You know that feeling

When you're about to

Start something new

And your stomach

Screams in hunger

But you don't know why?

I'm starting to think

That this isn't my

Stomach

Instead, I propose

That it's my heart

Alluding to the

Coming adventure

It's unknown and

Completely scary

The wheel's turning

But the Lord's the

Only One who knows where

We're going

Tingles fill my body

And I react with a

Need to giggle

My God is the God of Dreams

Direction

Questions fill my thoughts

And stream into my prayers

I seek answers but

They're nowhere to be found

But, wait! I see them

They're in Your hands,

O God of Abraham

They're clasped within

Your iron-clad fists

I keep praying questions

But You return with silence

Suddenly, You crush the

Answers within Your hands

I don't understand

I need them

I cry and I flail

Questioning You now

Then, Your empty hands

Raise and I assume

You're going to discipline

Me for my lack of faith

But, You don't

What were once iron-clad

Fists are now

Gently caressing fingertips

Stroking my face

With the love of a Father

Abba, Daddy

I confess my questions

Forgive my sinfulness

And restore my broken heart

I beg for You to lift

My face from Your hands

And lift it to Your eyes

From where I know my

Direction

Blue Shirts in Boston

Just got back from a week-long mission trip in Boston, Massachusetts with a team of 21 from my hometown church.
We joined with our sister church in holding a community-wide camp for kids of ages 4-12 at the park down the street from the church during the days. Over 45 kids showed up EACH DAY to have fun, learn new things, and just play...it was amazing!

It's funny how loaded this trip was: with new lessons, new kinds of interaction, new revelations...

For example, in my 21-year lifetime, I have been on some amazing mission trips.
How woul.d you define a mission trip, though? The Great Commission involved "going" and "making disciples." That's one characteristic. Is there anything else? From general observation, I have gathered that many churches add more to this one characteristics such as how many people should be on a team and you need to hand out this number of tracts along with this many prayers. Some might even involve you bringing a certain number of people to Christ before you can really count such a thing a "mission trip."

May I just stop this observation right now and ask...are you kidding me?!!!

I have learned, more than anything on this Boston trip, that there are no boundaries when it comes to ministry and missions. If the Lord called us to go and make disciples, we are to go and make disciples. During the day, my camp was quite busy with camp. At night, we'd find ourselves having "free time" involving shopping and eating.

This is a mission trip. Why would I say that? It doens't say in the Bible to be completely scheduled out each day by planning when to serve and evangelize and when to "rest." It doesn't talk about holding kids' camps but it does broach upon our hearts' desires to encourage them to run to their Father's arms.

I know I'm rambling, but seriously! The Lord blessed us this week with kids who needed to come to camp (to get away from family, to simply get to know more kids, to mature a little) Their purposes varied and their personalities were quite different from one another but I truly believe that little disciples were made and affirmed this week.

Why can we not see that the Lord desires us to 1)serve 2)speak His name 3)reveal TRUTH to people about how much He loves us and 4)love like Jesus loveSSSSS

"The Blue Shirts were my favorite" said one girl, when asked about the camp, as a whole.

I agree:)

Boston

Leading a team in Boston for a week

Working a day camp at our sister church then doing some on-the-street servant evangelism aka passing granola bars and water out to pedestrians passing by

Been to Boston before but in a different capacity; one less demanding of my navigation and administration

Excited to see what the Lord will do through a rag-tag group from a big-name church. Oh, goodness, Lord. I pray that the mega-church tones of our origin will not overshadow but further more, dissolve. Instead, I pray for the Holy Spirit to empower us, restore our tired bodies mid-way through the trip, and to consistently pour love THROUGH us as we intend to love on people PERIOD, whether they're rude, kind, loving, thoughtless, etc.

The Lord loves them all and that's why we want to go.

As it says in Isaiah 61, "The Spirit is on me..."

I pray, Lord, that I would LEARN, HELP, GROW, and most of all, understand more of what the Holy Spirit is doing up in this "city of champions."

The Fairer Sex...and Its Need for Drama

As sisters in Christ, we are commanded to love one another. Heck, as the body of Christ, we are called to love one another. 1 Corinthians 13 states that "Love is patient and kind...It doesn't insist in its own way...Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (ESV)
Why, when communication becomes stale and conflict arises, do we immediately look inside ourselves and check out our own moral compass? "How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,' when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye." (Luke 6:42, ESV) I agree that you need to confirm that you, yourself, do not have any sins hindering you from helping a sista out...but! You need to be aware of how consumed you become with yourself. Do not become a self-oriented sista who thinks that her other friend can deal with her own mess and the conflict will just go away in time. Why do no we not, instead, run to that other person and beg her to let us help her in her time of need?
If there is a conflict between two(or more) people, why can't they run to one another and pray for each other/ love on one another/ challenge each other/ etc?
In all the major conflicts in my life with people, I have had to sincerely get lost in the Lord's Word before I could truly love on the other person and reconcile. My selfishness blinded me from looking out for the other person. Instead, I would hide inside myself and build this wall of insecurity, wondering "what did I do?" and "why can't I be a better friend?"
This is so stupid! These thoughts are about ME. My actions were about me. If I stepped out to "help" my friend, I would just be acting in guilt. Until I asked for discernment and asked the Lord for help in reconciling with my friend, I could not truly love on my friend.
Ephesians 4:26 says, "In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger." (NIV)
In conflict, allow love to lead you to confront or confess, admonish (v. to caution, advise, or counsel against wrongdoing or ), and ultimately/prayerfully, reconcile. If you desire to reconcile, you're pointed in the right direction. Peace

Intense Romance

I have been captivated by a Holy and Precious God
I have been swept up into an intense Romance with Him

When I become insecure about the earthly romance I don't have
He reminds of what I do have

An eternal love affair that allows me to be intense with Him
I can be myself and still be loved

An adventure that offers freedom and victory
After periods of struggle and strife

An everlasting love letter that never
Disappoints or turns void

Many turn away because of my intense passion and
Ongoing ramblings

But I am reminded when they do run that
It's not about me

Thank you, Jesus, for being
Romantic and passionate in your pursuit of me

...

I am in a state of complete speechlessnes. I have a longing to write about what He's doing but I can't find words to describe or display.

It's not a funk or a sign of weakness. I believe I am experiencing the Spirit in a new way.

Explanation...

Just today, after a week of praying about it, I began a study on the Holy Spirit in the Word.
What it did, how it did it, its effect on people, who it effected. I shouldn't even be saying "it" b/c my understanding has been broadened to the "he" factor.

Anyway, I studied the Spirit in the Penteteuch today and was overwhelmed by how consuming the Spirit was. He "hovered over the waters" (Gen 1:2) "The Spirit of God was in him" (Gen 41:38) "...He took of the Spirit that was on him and put the Spirit on the seventy elders. When the Spirit rested on them, they prophesied..." etc. x infinity

In my life, I do not believe I have allowed the Spirit to rest on my weary and restless soul. I run too fast and speak an increased amount of words every day. I have never truly allowed him to hover and rest and fill and empower. The Spirit is SO ALIVE!!!

He prophesied through people. He healed people. He transformed people in their brokenness...

I am amazed at how direct the Spirit is. Where he is, something WILL occur. It may be a silent occurrence or a great uproar but he will be there.

I don't fathom this. I know my Father desires reckless passion and devotion from His children. I love this and fear this, all in the same. But as I continue to read about the Spirit and his direct work in people's lives, I see all too plainly how the Lord has allowed us to not be abandoned.

He may desire us to serve Him radically but we are not doing the work alone. We follow and say "here I am" and the Spirit comes, as surely as the Lord's faithfulness does.

Speechless...kind of:)

I Am Not Invincible says Ruth

Sprained my ankle yesterday playing volleyball with a sista.
24 hours later, my pride is still teeming with neverending thought strings:
"I thought I was invincible" and "I've never been injured till now!" and "Lord, why now?"

Oh my goodness, people. Why is my flesh winning lately?
I can chalk it up to my lack of true, in the Word, Scripture reading as of late.
I can make more excuses as to the fact that "my desert is just running a little longer these days"

But, all in all, I have been struggling with community with my Jesus.
I haven't been sharpening my Sword by memorizing Scripture or getting captivated by the Word. I mentioned it earlier as if it's a checkpoint on a list but freakin latte! It's not! I haven't been praying like a warrior princess in battle either. I've been thanking the Lord for my food and then off I go.

The daily struggle between Ruth and God is evident. I am a stubborn, selfish, all too prideful woman who thinks that help is a word for the sick and the poor.

As I've been staying off my ankle today, the Lord has greatly humbled me and brought me to this understanding: I am not invincible.

You laugh. I laugh. We all laugh. But, I apparently thought this was true because as my dad carried me into the house and as my best friend brought my little donkey named Risen Star to me, I finally gave up my little knife I've called a sword all these years and just let Him have it. Since then, I've depended on the Lord's whispers of encouragement and loved reading Psalms 16-18....I will not be shaken.

There were times today when all I could do was just journal my pain, as if I was in a punk rock band representing the emo stages of life or something. And, in my entries, the Lord brought me to this realization that as I learn about my weakness and realize that pride is no better for me than the callouses on my feet, I am a daughter who needs her Daddy to rescue her from falling in holes and getting lost in pits of pity and anger. I sprained my ankle. So what? I will not be shaken. I can't go to high school camp and work with some amazing girls this week. So what? I will not be shaken.

The Lord has a purpose. Not just for me. Not just for His army of sons and daughters.
He has a purpose PERIOD
Who am I to question?

Extraordinary Awakening

February 9, 2009
It's not about me
Extraordinary
I need to die to myself and live against it
Awakening
My Jesus, who is Savior and Restorer, loves me
Extraordinary
I long to be reverent before the Holy God
Awakening

Awaken to the call of Christ today, people
He longs to pursue you
He chases constantly, passionate and ready to catch
Let Him capture you in His arms and take you away
To a place of refuge and adventure
Allow Him to captivate you and remind you
Of who you have been called to live and die for
Don't let church be the one place you show up
For Him
Cherish every day that you get to wake up and
Spend more time staring at creation
So....live in extraordinary excellence
Move and speak and breathe and work and study
For Him
Love Out Loud
Laugh Out Loud
Live Out Loud

Scared of Dating...There I Said It

September 15, 2008
I'm scared of that big, big word. So many meanings behind it...attachment, commitment, detachment, potential love, potential break up, marriage, intimacy, short term, long term, guy loves girl, warrior loves warrior princess, guy finds girl, guy steps up and asks girl out, etc. So many thoughts!I don't know what to do with them all. I know I am twenty years old and have never dated. Yes, I will repeat it....I AM TWENTY YEARS OLD AND HAVE NEVER DATED. I'm talking about any kind of dating. I've been asked out three times in my life, yes. I've said "no" to all because I wasn't "ready." Whatever that means. Celebrating my singleness has never been a problem for me. I love it! The Lord has done stuff in me that may not have happened if I had been dating or in a relationship at the times of such "stuff."Please understand this, though...I'm tired of being bitter. Yes, I've been bitter. Oh, how bitter I've been. I have become this witch, who brings every guy under the radar and dissects everything about him. I apologize. I was not created to act or think in such a way. I was created to be a part of a beautiful community with guys and girls. Because I have never dated, I have built up this wall around my heart: guarding it and isolating it. I was NEVER called to isolate my heart. I was called to guard it like the guards do at buckingham palace. (Prov. 4:23) People are allowed to look inside the Palace. They may not stay for long but they're allowed to look. Why can't I understand this? Dating is not a bad thing! It's not an end-all. It's not something that will hinder me, if done in accordance with His will. Oh, how He loves me. I'm amazed. He has proven His love every day to me, just by waking me up and sayin, "hey, kid. I love you." My worth will never be found in a man's eyes: no matter who he is to me. I am deemed beautiful and worth far more than rubies by my King and that's enough. It is not a sin, though, to accept the compliments of another's affection. It is not a sin to desire to hear the words "you're beautiful" come from a guy that is special to you in your life. Here it is, loud and clear...DATING IS AWESOME. Haven't ever experienced it but I know it is because I know some beautiful couples who have shown me what a true and pure dating relationship looks like. Complementary and powerful; Understanding and loving. Its built up from a foundation rooted in His love. I, honestly, don't know what this message is about. It's a declaration, sure. It's a sigh of relief, yes. More than that, though...I want people to know that they're not alone in their worries. I am freaked! I can't let my fear hinder me or provoke me, though, into isolating myself any longer. I want to date! lol This isn't a cry-out note saying, "come and get me, boys!" It is a declaration for all those who need to hear this one truth: THE LORD LOVES YOU ENOUGH TO PUT YOU IN SPECIFIC SEASONS FOR SPECIFIC REASONS. ACCEPT ALL OF THEM: Dive in to that single life, Dive into that new relationship and say "yes" when he asks you out. Be cautious. Guard your heart. Make sure he's His and make sure He's a warrior. After that, let Him take you where He wants you to go Holla

Extreme Word Vomit of a Spiritual Nature

July 12, 2008
In the silent storms of this uncomfortable life
I can hear Your whispers and Your screams
Calming all winds and giving me
A new Hope that allows me to desire You more
I see You in my struggles
Gently caressing me with words
And spurring me on to fly
As hard as the eagle and as soft as a hummingbird
I won't give You my heart
I won't
If it means I have to lose Everything that's inside,
I won't
I hear Your sadness
In lieu of this rejection
I don't comprehend it
I seem to not care
I daily claim that I am Your's
But if my heart is truly not in those nail-scarred hands
Then, how much of me is really there
In those hands so broken?
I confess my sin and my fault, o God
You deserve more than this
You deserve more than my confessions
You deserve more than my all too small praises
Let these words
Spill from these pages and
Pour into Your hands
Like a washing of these Scarred instruments that
You yearn to use for Your glory
Take from me
Every idol
Every desire
Every fantasy
Burn it all in the fiery pits of my past
I declare myself
To be rid of this self-oriented nature
Lord, don't allow me
To think that this life
Revolves around the name that you've given me
Let me hurt because
You have taken away
Let me cry because
I no longer feel my SELF inside
Let me love You As Your Son so Unselfishly loved You
No more expectations
No more fantasies
No more dreams of my own doing
Be my One Desire

The Single Life

April 1, 2008
This note is not for the weak...It's not for the sensitive...It's not for the easily offended.Ya'll, this is MY heart. I am speaking from my experience with the Lord. From this note, maybe others will be touched by it but really this is a declaration, if nothing more...Read it and rejoice, read it and weep...I don't careRead 1 Corinthians 7. It's all about marriage v. the single life. Paul is hysterical! He's honest! You can tell he loves being single! In v. 33-35, he talks about how "single people are concerned with the Lord's affairs." He loves talking about the benefits of being single. But! He encourages marriage for those who "can't control their passions," etc. LAUGH!!!!!!!!! Do ya'll know how awesome that is? Marriage is a channeling of the passions. The single life is a passionate life lived as well, just not with another person. So...The purpose of this note is this: I love being single. Yea, I will admit: I WANT a man in my life one day. I want kids. I want to go on grand adventures with a man who will steer me straight toward the Lord's arms. I want to fight battles with a man and serve my God with him. I want a man who will be a leader in the church and who won't be afraid of challenging things when the church isn't as Truth-based as it should be. Beyond this desire, though, is a need for a Savior who will keep me alive in Love; who will consume me with His will so much so that the desire for a man is nonexistent. This year (my sophomore year at Texas A&M University...whoop!) I have learned so much about the Lord's will, the embodiment of it in my life and the sheer existence of it around me. I have seen its harshness and its beauty. It drives me to wake up everyday and to live the piece of it that He wants....It's hard. It's hard to live this will when I doubt His hands guiding me; when I feel like I'm about to fall; when I feel that my life can't be lived without this guy seems...It's hard. But, as it says in 1 Corinthians 1:9," God is...faithful."I want you to realize something: YOU, Warrior Princess of the Most Awesome and Holy Army, DOES NOT need a MAN. (vice-versa for the warriors) Just like Paul says, this is not an anti-dating/anti-marriage statement. This is a reminder. You will not find your worth in a relationship with a man. You won't and you can't. To all the people in relationships: praise the Lord! Continue to concern yourselves with the Lord's plans FIRST and let the rest fall under that...The Lord puts those special people in our lives to be encouragers, companions, best friends, and guides...but they can't give us worth or value. Please know that the Lord LOVES marriage. He doesn't want you, though, to be obsessed with the potential idea of it in your life. He wants you to cherish the life that you have as a single woman and embrace His will. There are no guarantees in life and it's a falsehood to say that we are ALL guaranteed husbands and wives. Please don't be searching for that special guy. If the Lord does have someone for you, He will bring him to you, no questions asked. We're stubborn. We get lonely. We're women with spaghetti-shaped brains. Men, you have waffles for brains so don't be hatin! lol Please know that each one of you is beautiful and full of grace, poise, depth, and worth. None of this comes from the man at your side or the man that's coming. The Lord loves you and wants the best for you. DON'T GO LOOKING! Trust Him. Test your faith. Test your willpower. Serve your brothers and sisters in Christ and let the Lord guide you...Again, this is a delcaration of my total rejoicing of the single life. This is also a note claiming that my God knows me, loves me, and has me. I will always be His, married or not...I love you, people, whether ya'll are in relationships or livin out the single life.P.S. The only ABSOLUTE thing in this life is His love. He will take away what He has given and He will give what you did not want. Just go with His flow...yo :)

Just A Prayer

April 30, 2007

Lord,I'm sorry. I'm sorry that the focus of my life, lately, has been impressing people. I'm sorry that I have not sought to please you through any of the areas of my life. Lord, I heard your cries today. I don't know how but a knife just pierced my heart. Lord, I only have 1 1/2 weeks to make myself vulnerable on this knowingly lost campus. I thank you SO much for my brothers and sisters who press on with me in serving our fellow Ags, but Lord, it's not enough. You want us to have full attention on you. You want us to hear YOUR plans for YOUR people in their fullest form. Lord, like soldiers before battle, we need to be justly equipped and de-briefed about what is to come. Lord, your plans are perfect and even though we like to screw them up so many times, you are always Faithful to carry them out in different ways. Lord, I don't want to impress my friends. I only let them down and they let me down. Lord, you died for a reason. You died for me. I don't cherish my life like I should. Lord, I recognized your love for me and your saving grace eleven years ago and I committed myself to you but I still don't feel that I live out my committment to you. You deserve a grand throng of people with hands lifted up, praising ONLY YOUR NAME, and only Your power. You deserve an entire campus of students, who bow down completely before your throne and chant, "Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty." You deserve your people marching over an entire globe, ready to fight for any lost soul that hasn't decided who they want to spend eternity with. You deserve 100% committment from every single follower. You don't get that, Lord. I know you don't 'cuz I don't see that and I don't feel that within me. Why? Why do we have to be so weak and humane? Why don't we have to fail at so many things? Lord, do you gain glory from our failures? I know it says in your Word that you do, but it's so hard to grasp. When I fail, Lord, I want to cry. Not b/c I failed you. I cry because I've failed people who see me on a daily basis; who help me with projects, when I don't have an ounce of energy or projection to give; who encourage me when I can't encourage them 'cuz I'm too selfish; who don't do anything but listen when I've failed 3 tests and have to drop a class; who compliment me for planning a coffeehouse yet are disappointed when I soak all the glory up that my heart desires...Lord, you deserve the compliments, the praise, the glory that should drip from your very Name. Lord, I don't want RUTH ANN COOPER to be on a pedestal above Your's. Lord, your Name should make men and women fall to their knees in reverence. Your Name should immediately send us out on a campaign to free souls in bondage of sin. I want to use my sword! I want to battle demons and win! Lord, with 1 1/2 weeks left of school, I believe that you can change this campus. I believe that you can rally us up as a body, not an organization, that will equip, challenge, and grant victory. I pray that you would dissolve all boundaries between organizations. I pray that you would make all names of organizations disappear. Lord, I want to serve the people on this campus with only your Name coming from my mouth. Is this possible? I know that through you all things are possible, but am I too much of a hindrance to myself? Strike me down if I should go before you. Lord, go before me! Use me! Teach me how to live humbly and without glory. I love you, Lord, and I don't care if this note offends. I don't care if people read this. I just wanted to write something public and without barriers. Your Name be Praised at Texas A&M

January 22, 2007
Tears fall down my face as I sit in my car and listen to a song by Jeremy Camp.I have just spent a couple of hours at Sweet Eugene's, pouring out my heart on a piece of paper that will be read and weighed in a couple of days.At the coffeehouse, my thoughts were dead weight. Nothing was coming. I was praying and praying but the Lord was not speaking to my heart. So, I began to read from His Word. I read Romans 3: talking about the gift of salvation. I read Matthew 3: talking about his baptism and love. I read from Colossians and John...Then, He started pouring into me. I don't know when and I don't know how. All I know is within ONE AMAZING, GOD-APPOINTED hour, my application was done. I read through it and was utterly in awe of how much the app. represented me and all of the hidden thoughts that weren't coming out. I prayed and thanked the Lord. I got into my car and drove back home. While driving, I started to talk to my Savior: praising Him for every good things that's gone on today and every sucky thing that saddened me. I started to cry...I am so unworthy to be filling out an application to lead the class of 2011 next year. I am so unworthy to think that I can even comprehend His love for me. He is SO Worthy, and yet I can never ever give Him the praise that He deserves. I am too gross to sit in His presence yet He sends down His beatiful and sweet Son so that I can. Blood and tears saved me. Tears were strewn tonight and I pray that they will save others through the power of his blood. God is Good and Great and I will sing to my Adonai.